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study and purpose of life

study and purpose of life rboPo
STUDY PLAN I am Mandeep Singh, a perspective student for Canadore College, Canada to pursue 1-year course of Human Resource Management –Graduate certificate(Post-Graduate) for May 2022 intake to acquire the knowledge to apply theoretical understanding to develop the ability to work collaboratively. Recently in 2018, I have completed graduation in LL. b. I am being financially supported by my father Mr. Rishpal Singh who is an agriculturist and also self-employed. My mother Mrs. Manjeet Kaur is housewife. After completion of my Matriculation in year 2009 with 62. 83% marks from Board of Secondary education, Rajasthan I enrolled myself in senior secondary with commerce stream and completed in 2011 with 69. 8% marks from the same board. Then I graduated Bachelor of Business Administration from Punjab technical University in 2014, where I got knowledge about business management, consumer behavior, hierarchy of organization, communication skills and presentation skills and research. After that, I worked in First source limited as a customer care executive. I completed my degree in Bachelor of legislative laws from Maharaja Ganga Singh University in 2018 and I learn about corporate laws and business laws, taxation system and company laws which enhance my knowledge about legal system and roles of law in the business. After graduation I started practice as an apprentice and I enrolled myself in Bar association of Rajasthan in 2019, then I passed the examination of All India Bar Examination 14 (AIBE) started working as an advocate Post graduate, I decided to pursue my further education at international level, so, I appeared for IELTS test on 27thNovember 2021 and scored overall 7. 0 bands. In my education till senior secondary my mode of instructions was Hindi, but in BB. A it was in English language and llb was also in hindi medium My family is well-established in India. My father is a farmer and well renowned agriculturist in Sri Ganganagar his annual income is INR 6, 60, 760/-. My parents have sufficient funds to sponsor my further education. I have already paid one year tuition fees CAD15, 030. 00 to Canadore College and paid a GIC of CAD 10, 230. 00 from ICICI Bank to cover my living expenses. My father has fixed assets in India; I have provided the valuation report of the same property. My parents are sponsoring me for the higher studies in Canada during the stay in Canada. As I have decided to do my further study in Human resources management graduate certificate(Post-Graduate) program from Canadore College. Studying in this program will help me to enhance my skills into at-hand knowledge and also a booster to my career. The Human resources Management program is an interdisciplinary set of courses designed to provide core skills in Corporate training and development, mediation skills and conflict resolution, labour relations, human rights and workplace investigation, finance as well as communication, and research and team performance. My choose course of study from Canadore College will provide me various skills such as critical thinking, problem solving, effective written and oral communications, ability to work collaboratively and many more. I have chosen to study in Canada for numerous reasons. Canada has outstanding standard of education and pragmatic approach towards learning. I think it is very important as a student to understand application of knowledge and learnt concepts in real life situation. Moreover, high quality education at affordable tuition fees with degrees that are globally recognized is another main reason to select Canada as a best destination for my further study. The institute in Canada is Canadore College, which is a public funded institution in North bay, Ontario(Canada). This college programs provide a broad range of programs and courses offerings balanced by in-depth study in specific disciplines. It is a platform for success and I would like to complete my high study over there because it has very strong national and international reputation for teaching and research. One more reason is that the teaching methods of this college are very impressive and the concept of the course can be effectively learned here because they make the use of practical and training sessions through there aspects to execute the hypothetical information. After the completion of course, I intend to return back to home country. This one-year international degree through practical skills, hands-on classroom activities will offer me many employment opportunities in business, education, not-for-profit, or government services and many more. Moreover, i can start my own organization/ legal association/ company related to my profession where I can use these skills. Apart from this, I will be able to work as Human resources Administrator, Employee relation manager, Industrial relation manager Retail Manager, Occupational health and safety officer or advisor, . This course is designed to provide a wide range of skills in disciplines related to business and law which will open doors for many opportunities for me to excel in this field. I would like to thank you in advance for assessing my application. Regards Mandeep Singh
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STUDY
PLAN

I am
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mandeep
Singh, a perspective student for
Possible spelling mistake found.
Canadore
College, Canada to pursue 1-year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Resource
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Management
–Graduate certificate(Post-Graduate) for May 2022 intake to acquire the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
to apply theoretical
The verb 'understanding' is used with the gerund form: "understanding developing".
understanding to develop
the ability to work
collaboratively
. Recently in 2018, I have completed graduation in LL. b. I am being
financially
supported by my father Mr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rishpal
Singh who is an agriculturist and
also
self-employed. My mother Mrs.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Manjeet
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kaur
is housewife.

“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
completion of my Matriculation in year 2009 with 62. 83% marks from Board of Secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, Rajasthan I enrolled myself in senior secondary with commerce stream and completed in 2011 with 69. 8% marks from the same board. Then I graduated Bachelor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Business
Administration from Punjab technical University in 2014, where I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
, consumer behavior, hierarchy of organization, communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and presentation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and research. After that, I worked in
First
source limited as a customer care executive. I completed my degree in Bachelor of legislative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Maharaja
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ganga
Singh University in 2018 and I learn about corporate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
, taxation system and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
which enhance my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about legal system and roles of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. After
The comma is probably missing here: "graduation, I".
graduation I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
practice as an apprentice and I enrolled myself in Bar association of Rajasthan in 2019, then I passed the examination of All India Bar Examination 14 (
Possible spelling mistake found.
AIBE
)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
working as an advocate

Post graduate, I decided to pursue my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
at international level,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, I appeared for IELTS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
on 27thNovember 2021 and scored
overall
7. 0 bands. In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
till senior secondary my mode of instructions was Hindi,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in BB.
Possible typo. Did you mean "A" or "it"?
A it
was in English language and
Possible spelling mistake found.
llb
was
also
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
hindi
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
medium


My family is well-established in India. My father is a farmer and well renowned agriculturist in Sri
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ganganagar
his annual income is INR 6, 60, 760/-.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
My
parents have sufficient funds to sponsor my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. I have already paid one year tuition fees CAD15, 030. 00 to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Canadore
College and paid a
Possible spelling mistake found.
GIC
of CAD 10, 230. 00 from
Possible spelling mistake found.
ICICI
Bank to cover my living expenses. My father has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
assets in India; I have provided the valuation report of the same property. My parents are sponsoring me for the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
in Canada during the stay in Canada.

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
I have decided to do my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Human
resources
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
graduate certificate(Post-Graduate)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Canadore
College. Studying in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me to enhance my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
into at-hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and
also
a booster to my career. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Human
resources
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
is an interdisciplinary set of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
designed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
core
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in Corporate training and development, mediation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and conflict resolution,
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
relations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
rights and workplace investigation, finance
as well
as communication, and research and team performance. My choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Canadore
College will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
me various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as critical thinking, problem solving, effective written and oral communications, ability to work
collaboratively
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.

I have chosen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in Canada for numerous reasons. Canada has outstanding standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and pragmatic approach towards learning. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as a student to understand application of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
concepts in real life situation.
Moreover
, high quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
at affordable tuition fees with degrees that are globally recognized is another main reason to select Canada as
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best destination for my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. The institute in Canada is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Canadore
College, which is a
Make sure that the adjective 'public' is correct. Possibly, it should be an adverb (typically ~ly) that modifies 'funded'. Possibly, it should be the first word in a compound adjective (hyphenated adjective). Possibly, it is correct.
public funded
institution in North bay, Ontario(Canada). This college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
a broad range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
offerings balanced by in-depth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in specific disciplines. It is a platform for success and I would like to complete my high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
over there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strong national and international reputation for teaching and research. One more reason is that the teaching methods of this college are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
impressive and the concept of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
can be
effectively
learned here
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of practical and training sessions through there aspects to execute the hypothetical information.

After the completion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
, I intend to
Consider using "return".
return back
to home country. This one-year international degree through practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, hands-on classroom activities will offer me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employment opportunities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, not-for-profit, or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
services and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
Moreover
,
Did you mean "I"?
i
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
organization/ legal association/
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
related to my profession where I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Apart from this, I will be able to work as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Human
resources Administrator, Employee relation manager, Industrial relation manager Retail Manager, Occupational health and safety officer or advisor
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
is designed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in disciplines related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
which will open doors for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities for me to excel in this field.

I would like to thank you in advance for assessing my application.

Regards

Possible spelling mistake found.
Mandeep
Singh
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IELTS essay study and purpose of life

Essay
  American English
9 paragraphs
824 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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