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People in many countries are spending less time with their family . What are the reasons for this ? What problem does this cause ?

People in many countries are spending less time with their family. What are the reasons for this? What problem does this cause? L3M7r
In many parts of the world nowadays, family members are spending less time together. In this essay, I will outline some reasons for this trend and its associated impacts. To begin with, there are several reasons that are worth mentioning about this issue. The first reason is people are busy with their work and study. Beside studying at school, children have to go to extra classes. When they come home, they have to finish a lot of homework. Parents usually spend more time at work and do not come home until late at night. Because of being exhausted, they enjoy doing leisure activities than spending time with family. Secondly, there is a huge generation gap between parents and their kids. They cannot spend time together because they have different hobbies. For instance, father likes playing golf but his child prefer playing video games. There are many impacts from this trend such as the bonds of family members will be weakened. It is believed that family is where people can share their feelings and problems, which help them reduce their stress. However, an individual that live in an unhappy family may be depressed because they are under great pressure from family and study. They are subject to social bullying because lack of encouragement and compassion form family. In conclusion, there are many courses leading to this trend and its influences are serious.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members are spending less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together. In this essay, I will outline
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for this trend and its associated impacts. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several reasons that are worth
Did you mean simply "mentioning this"? You do not need the word "about" here.
mentioning about this
issue. The
first
reason is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are busy with their work and study. Beside studying at school, children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to extra classes. When they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
home, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
finish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
homework. Parents
usually
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at work and do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
home until late at night.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of
being exhausted
, they enjoy doing leisure activities than spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Secondly
, there is a huge generation gap between parents and their kids. They cannot spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
hobbies.
For instance
, father likes playing golf
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
his child prefer playing video games. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
impacts from this trend such as the bonds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members will
be weakened
. It
is believed
that
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family
is where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can share their feelings and problems, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
However
, an individual that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in an unhappy
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family
may
be depressed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are under great pressure from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and study. They are subject to social bullying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
lack of encouragement and compassion form
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
courses leading to this trend and its influences are serious.
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IELTS essay People in many countries are spending less time with their family. What are the reasons for this? What problem does this cause?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
231 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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