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students today are under more pressure and are pushed to work hard from a young age Is this a positive or negative development? v.2

students today are under more pressure and are pushed to work hard from a young age Is this a positive or negative development? v. 2
Students are indeed facing growingly burdened learning assignments. I believe that as long as the workload is kept in the appropriate range, it could bring them an advantage in the future. Work hard from an early stage could facilitate knowledge accumulation that will be needed after school. To survive the highly competitive adult' s life, man needs a comprehensive skill set, which is attainable by training intensely and on purposely at an early age. In addition to the academic lessons in the standard class, business practice, team sports, and community volunteering activities could not only broaden children' s horizons but also build their management skills and team spirit. Another essential character that should be cultivated in the early years is the quality of being adamant, devoted, and determined. Onerous tasks under pressure are also useful for developing stress tolerance, and self-discipline. For example, Hedge Funds on Wall Street incline to recruit young talents with multiple backgrounds in science, business, or sports. Because they believe students who have accomplished more in the same school time are better prepared to survive in the brutal competition in the financial industry. However, the workload should be kept in the proper range because training for the future at the cost of a happy childhood is unworthy. Given that once after school, students will start to take responsibility for their life, youth could be a rare chance they can enjoy life without stresses and strains in their daily lives. They should not be deprived of the carefree and peaceful stage of life. In conclusion, adapt early to live with pressure is beneficial for children to have an advantage in the future, but it is crucial to keep it in a reasonable range.
Students are
indeed
facing
Possible spelling mistake found.
growingly
burdened learning assignments. I believe that as long as the workload is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in the appropriate range, it could bring them an advantage in the future.

Work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
from an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
stage could facilitate knowledge accumulation that will
be needed
after school. To survive the
highly
competitive
Possible spelling mistake found.
adult&
#039; s life,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
needs a comprehensive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set, which is attainable by training
intensely
and on
purposely
at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
age.
In addition
to the academic lessons in the standard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, business practice, team sports, and community volunteering activities could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
broaden
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s horizons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
build their management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and team spirit.

Another essential character that should
be cultivated
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
years is the quality of being adamant, devoted, and determined. Onerous tasks under pressure are
also
useful for developing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
tolerance, and self-discipline.
For example
, Hedge Funds on Wall Street incline to recruit young talents with multiple backgrounds in science, business, or sports.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
they believe students who have accomplished more in the same school time are better prepared to survive in the brutal competition in the financial industry.

However
, the workload should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in the proper range
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
training for the future at the cost of a happy childhood is unworthy.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
that once after school, students will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to take responsibility for their life, youth could be a rare chance they can enjoy life without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
and strains in their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. They should not
be deprived
of the carefree and peaceful stage of life.

In conclusion
, adapt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with pressure is beneficial for children to have an advantage in the future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is crucial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
it in a reasonable range.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay students today are under more pressure and are pushed to work hard from a young age Is this a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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