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students today are under more pressure and are pushed to work hard from a young age Is this a positive or negative development? v.1

students today are under more pressure and are pushed to work hard from a young age Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1
The arts are fundamental to our humanity. They elevate us and inspire us to engage in our creative side, build communities, and foster freedom of expression. The arts have a long history and have been an integral part of all cultures throughout the globe. Over the years, however, there was a massive shift that took place with the advent of science and technology and with that, the arts, somehow lost its charm and relevance. Given the accelerating pace of modernisation, will the arts, possibly diminish from our society? Through this essay, I intend to delve deeper into the reasons behind this change and will present possible suggestions to attract people to indulge in the arts again. To begin with, the primary reason for this could be capitalism that we have seen engender over the years. It is inevitably the age of ‘survival of the fittest’ and we are being conditioned to pursue science and business, because that is where, we find more economic stability. There are more jobs in these sectors and people prefer pursuing this security over their passions. Furthermore, scientists, doctors, and professionals in the same field are seen with much more reverence than artists. These professions are more respected and valued and found to be more sustainable in the long run, as opposed to art which is known to be more fluid in its overall stand in our society. People should be educated about the importance of art, starting from schools and universities. For instance, in Rome, people from all walks of life are encouraged to pursue the arts by hosting free events in the museum. This not only helps keep a culture alive, it also imparts knowledge among the society. In addition to this, local communities could start art contests for children and adults to foster engagement in the arts and at the same time inculcating the values which we might have lost with time. To conclude, science and technology are considered more viable options than art, but by introducing some ideas, we could collectively keep our interests and curiosity in the arts alive.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are fundamental to our humanity. They elevate us and inspire us to engage in our creative side, build communities, and foster freedom of expression. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
have a long history and have been an integral part of all cultures throughout the globe. Over the years,
however
, there was a massive shift that took place with the advent of science and technology and with that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, somehow lost its charm and relevance.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the accelerating pace of
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
, will the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
possibly
diminish from our society? Through this essay, I intend to delve deeper into the reasons behind this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and will present possible suggestions to attract
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to indulge in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
again.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the primary reason for this could be capitalism that we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
engender over the years. It is
inevitably
the age of ‘survival of the fittest’ and we are
being conditioned
to pursue science and business,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that is
where, we find more economic stability. There are more jobs in these sectors and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer pursuing this security over their passions.

Furthermore
, scientists, doctors, and professionals in the same field are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
with much more reverence than artists. These professions are more respected and valued and found to be more sustainable in the long run, as opposed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
which
is known
to be more fluid in its
overall
stand in our society.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
should
be educated
about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, starting from schools and universities.
For instance
, in Rome,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from all walks of life
are encouraged
to pursue the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
by hosting free
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in the museum. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a culture alive, it
also
imparts knowledge among the society.
In addition
to this, local communities could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
contests for children and adults to foster engagement in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and at the same time inculcating the values which we might have lost with time.

To conclude
, science and technology
are considered
more viable options than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
by introducing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, we could
collectively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our interests and curiosity in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
alive.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay students today are under more pressure and are pushed to work hard from a young age Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
348 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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