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Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. yP0JE
Nowadays, with the development of education and the higher need of knowledge economy, more and more people are deciding to go to university. Some argue that because higher education is not beneficial for society, students ought to self-fund for their tuition fees. I completely disagree with this statement because of the reasons listed below. To begin with, that governments do not pay tuition fee will lessen learning opportunities for gifted students who have financial issues. For instance, prodigies who come frome less privileged background might not be able to reach full potential in their chosen fields and have less a chance of a successful career. Thus, a supposed brilliant scientist might just be a mediorce accountant, causing a waste of talent. This is because universities usually have the best professors and necessary facilities, and without attending one, gifted students might not be able to improve their skills. Moreover, companies in general tend to hire someone with a degree since it's a proof of capability and diligence. Consequently, students who can't afford to pursue higher education won't have good employability prospects. Second, investment in education is greatly beneficial for society. For example, a less educated workforce bears a greater risk of unemployment in the economic downturn, which leads to problems such as homelessness, crimes and other social evils. Furthermore, unskilled labour earns much less than educated people do, and therefore they contribute less income tax, less revenue for the government. Besides, the highly skilled individuals that universities product is essential to solve many urgent problems such as population growth, global warming, and so on. In conclusion, an investment in education can help gifted but less privileged students have a fairer chance at life, and contribute greatly to many aspects of society. Therefore, government should have policy to support students to attend higher education for many benefits it brings, both individually and socially.
Nowadays, with the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and the higher need of knowledge economy, more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are deciding to go to university.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is not beneficial for society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
ought to self-fund for their tuition fees. I completely disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the reasons listed below.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
do not pay tuition fee will lessen learning opportunities for gifted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have financial issues.
For instance
, prodigies who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
Possible spelling mistake found.
frome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
privileged background might not be able to reach full potential in their chosen fields and have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
a chance of a successful career.
Thus
, a supposed brilliant scientist might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
be a
Possible spelling mistake found.
mediorce
accountant, causing a waste of talent. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
universities
usually
have the best professors and necessary facilities, and without attending one, gifted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
might not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in general
tend to hire someone with a degree since it's a proof of capability and diligence.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who can't afford to pursue higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
won't have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
employability prospects.

Second, investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
greatly
beneficial for society.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
educated workforce bears a greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of unemployment in the economic downturn, which leads to problems such as homelessness, crimes and other social evils.
Furthermore
, unskilled
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
earns much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
than educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do, and
therefore
they contribute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
income tax,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
revenue for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Besides
, the
highly
skilled individuals that
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "universities'" or "university's"?
universities
product is essential to solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
urgent problems such as population growth, global warming, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

In conclusion
, an investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
gifted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
privileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have a fairer chance at life, and contribute
greatly
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of society.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should have policy to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to attend higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits it brings, both
individually
and
socially
.
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IELTS essay Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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