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These days people spend more and more time at work and less time at home.what are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

These days people spend more and more time at work and less time at home. what are the advantages and disadvantages of this? ElYrB
As we can see, in this present world along with the developments and advancements, the priorities and preferences of people are also changing. Hence, these days people are spending most of their time at workplaces and only minimum time is invested for family members. In this essay we will discuss both pros and cons of this growing trend. On the one hand, if a person works overtime he is going to receive a lot of benefits from that. For instance, an employee who works extra time than his usual working period is more likely to get promoted than his colleague who works only during working hours. Moreover, the determination and hardwork they spend will definitely help them to meet their goals. In addition to this, overtime working will give a good impression among higher authorities, and employee can expect a salary hike on behalf on this, and hence he could lead a better life as his expectations. On the other hand, we could see a plethora of problems in spending lesser time with family. First and foremost thing is that, in this competitive world people are forced to work overtime in order to survive in the modern world, and hence it can lead to various stress related problems in which a person can succumb to different types of lifestyle diseases like diabetics, hypertension, hyperlipedemia a so on. Additionally, along with physical illness, a workholic person's mental health can also get deteriorated, which will further affect the overall performance and productivity. Furthermore, their family life can be destroyed and this will be responsible for piling up of over pressure and stress, hence the money they earned will be of no use without happiness and contentment of mind. To conclude, it seems that it is important to maintain a proper work-life balance, so that a person can enjoy his life to the fullest.
As we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, in this present world along with the developments and advancements, the priorities and preferences of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
also
changing.
Hence
, these days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are spending most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at workplaces and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is invested
for family members. In this essay we will discuss both pros and cons of this growing trend.

On the one hand, if a person works overtime he is going to receive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits from that.
For instance
, an employee who works extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than his usual working period is more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promoted than his colleague who works
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
during working hours.
Moreover
, the determination and
Possible spelling mistake found.
hardwork
they spend will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their goals.
In addition
to this, overtime working will give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impression among higher authorities, and employee can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
a salary hike on behalf on this, and
hence
he could lead a better life as his expectations.

On the other hand
, we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a plethora of problems in spending lesser
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family.
First
and foremost thing is that, in this competitive world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
overtime in order to survive in the modern world, and
hence
it can lead to various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
related problems in which a person can succumb to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of lifestyle diseases like diabetics, hypertension,
Possible spelling mistake found.
hyperlipedemia
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Additionally
, along with physical illness, a
Possible spelling mistake found.
workholic
person's mental health can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
deteriorated, which will
further
affect the
overall
performance and productivity.
Furthermore
, their family life can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
and this will be responsible for piling up of over pressure and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
hence
the money they earned will be of no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
without happiness and contentment of mind.

To conclude
, it seems that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to maintain a proper work-life balance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that a person can enjoy his life to the fullest.
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IELTS essay These days people spend more and more time at work and less time at home. what are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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