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Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished.   To what extent do you agree or disagree?  Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished. kYY9n
Trend of teaching to schoolchildren changed in modern era because modern teaching techniques are based on encouraging the student on their positive activities, instead of punishing on their mistakes. I am of the opinion that encouragement through different rewards is far better than punished, let us discuss. With the passage of time humans evolved and learned new things especially in teaching the new generation for the better performance of students. Although there is always space of improvement whereas, modern teaching methods based to encourage the student to boost their positive energy for better performance. Schoolteachers and parents are now rewarding them through out door sight trips or allowing them for shopping of their choice. These healthy activities mesmerize the children and give them positive energy. secondly Schools nowadays orginaize the annual parent’s day or get together parties with local communities and distribute different prizes among the student because of their positive performance in field of learning, games and extracurricular activities. These prizes remain with students whole life and give them positive thoughts for better act in their respective field. For example, I still have all my prizes in my cupboard from my childhood. Finally, it has been considered widely, punishment to the student on their mistake cause the depression and anxiety among them. Some of kids never take any initiative after punishment because of fear. Furthermore, this punishment leaves severe signs of trauma on kid’s brain and effect badly on their performance and development. For example, students of modern schools perform better comparatively to Madrassa. To conclude, performance of students is far better by rewarding them through healthy activities and prizes instead of punishing them on their mistakes. In my opinion, teacher must practice to boost the positive energy of student through to reward them for better performance.
Trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
to schoolchildren
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
era
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
techniques
are based
on encouraging the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
instead
of punishing on their mistakes. I am of the opinion that encouragement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
rewards is far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than punished,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us discuss.

With the passage of time humans evolved and learned new things
especially
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
the new generation for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Although there is always space of improvement whereas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
methods based to encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to boost their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
energy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
. Schoolteachers and parents are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
rewarding them
Did you mean "throughout"?
through out
door sight trips or allowing them for shopping of their choice. These healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
mesmerize the children and give them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
energy.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
Schools nowadays
Possible spelling mistake found.
orginaize
the annual parent’s day or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together parties with local communities and distribute
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prizes
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
in field of learning, games and extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prizes
remain with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
whole life and give them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
thoughts for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
act in their respective field.
For example
, I
still
have all my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prizes
in my cupboard from my childhood.

Finally
, it has
been considered
widely
, punishment to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
on their mistake cause the depression and anxiety among them.
After 'Some of', you should use 'the' ("Some of the kids") or simply say "Some kids".
Some of kids
never take any initiative after punishment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of fear.
Furthermore
, this punishment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
severe signs of trauma on kid’s brain and effect
badly
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
and development.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
schools perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
comparatively
to Madrassa.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
by rewarding them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prizes
instead
of punishing them on their mistakes. In my opinion, teacher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
The verb 'practice' is used with the gerund form: "practice boosting".
practice to boost
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
energy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
to reward them for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
.
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IELTS essay Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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