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Students doing part-time jobs - advantages and disadvantages.

Students doing part-time jobs - advantages and disadvantages. Dl3pE
With the hefty amount of fees to be pain in school, we are governing a new phenomenon where students are working part time to attain extra penny. The phenomenon has some advantages and disadvantages attached to it. I would like to elucidate my perspectives in the later paragraphs. It is an inevitable fact, that their are myriad number of students who are working par-time nowadays to earn extra income. Although, it is a grim matter of concern but, with the increase in the fees of colleges or universities students has to take study loans and to pay for loans they have to earn extra. This phenomenon does divert the students from their true pathway that is to study as in the extra time these students have to go to jobs rather than studying. These are some of the demerits of part-time jobs. On the bright side, when students work part-time they are gaining the experience on working as a professionals, they are socializing and interacting which is preparing them for future jobs. Also, the money earned by part-time jobs are used for attending some extra-curriculum activities such as attending guitar classes or going to Gym. Hence aforementioned, the foregoing discussion will propounds to the view that part-time jobs has equal amount of pros and cons. It makes students superlative and attentive and help them to understand the true value of money.
With the hefty amount of fees to be pain in school, we are governing a new phenomenon where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are working
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
to attain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
penny. The phenomenon has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages and disadvantages attached to it. I would like to elucidate my perspectives in the later paragraphs.

It is an inevitable fact, that
Did you mean "there"?
their
are myriad number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are working par-time nowadays to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
income. Although, it is a grim matter of concern
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, with the increase in the fees of colleges or universities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take study loans and to pay for loans they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
. This phenomenon does divert the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from their true pathway
that is
to study as in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
time these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
rather
than studying. These are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
demerits of part-time jobs.

On the bright side, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
work part-time they are gaining the experience on working as
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a professional" or simply "professionals"?
a professionals
, they are socializing and interacting which is preparing them for future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Also
, the money earned by part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for attending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra-curriculum activities such as attending guitar classes or going to Gym.

Hence
aforementioned, the foregoing discussion will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "propound"
propounds
to the view that part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
has equal amount of pros and cons. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
superlative and attentive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to understand the true value of money.

IELTS essay Students doing part-time jobs - advantages and disadvantages.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
231 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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