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Students can get as many benefits from organization or club activities as they can get from their academic studies

Students can get as many benefits from organization or club activities as they can get from their academic studies gW96D
There are various ways for students such as joining clubs and organization and taking academic courses to broaden their knowledge and gain different skills. There is a controversy over whether or not which of them is more effective than the other options. While some people think that academic studies are more beneficial for students, I subscribe to the view that the advantages of clubs or organization outweigh the other option. I substantiate this belief by providing two compelling reason that will be explained in the following paragraphs. Firstly, the foremost reason that I agree with joining clubs or organization instead of having some academic courses is that students learn communication skills more effectively. Communication skills is one of the critical characteristics that everyone should learn if they want to succeed in their personal life and job. Joining clubs and organization provides a golden opportunity for them to connect with various people, who have diverse personality. During their communication, students are able to learn how to communicate properly with different people, build a relationship with them and peacefully talk to each other about diverse subjects. It is true that students are able to learn this skill while taking classes. However, the diversity of people in matter of personality and culture in clubs or organization is more than academic classes. For example, by participating in club activities, my ability to properly communicate with different people improve. However, before this experience, I was not good enough at this skill, which results in wrecking most of my friendship. The final reason is that joining clubs and organizations enhance their chance of finding their favorite job. When students take part in various activities in those places, they are capable of gaining several experiences and skills, which are practical. Furthermore, at it is obvious, there are a number of applicants that apply for a certain job position, which results in causing serious competition between them. Among applicants, who are more skilled and experienced is able to take the job. Therefore, if someone join club activities and organization and gain a lot of valuable experiences are more likely able to take the job. To further illustrate this issue, I have 6-month work experience as an internship in a company. Since its duration is not enough to gain suitable skills, I participate in other activities to learn more skills and become skilled enough at my major, which leaded to finding my favorite job easily. In conclusion, based on the above-mentioned reasons, I firmly believe that students can make benefits more by taking part in club activities and organization rather than academic courses. Because not only are they capable of improving their communication skills and learn many new communications means, but also it provides a marvelous opportunity for them to enhance their experiences and take their desirable job more easily.
There are various ways for
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students
such as
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joining
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clubs
and
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organization
and taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
courses to broaden their knowledge and gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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skills
. There is a controversy over
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
which of them is more effective than the
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other
options. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
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academic
studies are more beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, I subscribe to the view that the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
option. I substantiate this belief by providing two compelling
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reason
that will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the following paragraphs.

Firstly
, the foremost
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reason
that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
or
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organization
instead
of having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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academic
courses is that
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students
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learn
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communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
more
effectively
.
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Communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
is one of the critical characteristics that everyone should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
if they want to succeed in their personal life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
provides a golden opportunity for them to connect with various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who have diverse personality. During their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to communicate
properly
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, build a relationship with them and
peacefully
talk to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
about diverse subjects. It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
while taking classes.
However
, the diversity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in matter of personality and culture in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
is more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
classes.
For example
, by participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, my ability to
properly
communicate with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, I was not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
, which results in wrecking most of my friendship.

The final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
enhance their chance of finding their favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in those places, they are capable of gaining several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, which are practical.
Furthermore
, at it is obvious, there are a number of applicants that apply for a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
position, which results in causing serious competition between them. Among applicants, who are more skilled and experienced is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Therefore
, if someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "joins", "joined".
join
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
and gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
are more likely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. To
further
illustrate this issue, I have 6-month work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
as an internship in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. Since its duration is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to gain suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, I participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and become skilled
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
at my major, which leaded to finding my favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
easily
.

In conclusion
, based on the above-mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
benefits more by taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
courses.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are they capable of improving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "communications'" or "communication's"?
communications
means,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it provides a marvelous opportunity for them to enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
and take their desirable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
more
easily
.
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IELTS essay Students can get as many benefits from organization or club activities as they can get from their academic studies

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
471 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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