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Students are becoming more and more reliant on computers. What are some of the problems associated with reliance on computers, and what are some of the possible solutions? v.1

Students are becoming more and more reliant on computers. What are some of the problems associated with reliance on computers, and what are some of the possible solutions? v. 1
Student lives have become more dependent on computer technology. There are many problems associated with this topic. This essay will discuss one of these problems and somehow provide a solution for it. One of the problems associated with the abuse of computers is joint pain. Too much time is being spent on computer devices in awkward positions. The result of this is pain in many joints of the body, ranging from the small joints of the wrist and fingers to the large joints of the back. There are many examples of these students who end up taking painkillers to reduce the pain, just to end up spending more time on computers. Many studies have directly linked this joint pain to the overuse of these computer devices. A solution to this problem is the use of more ergonomic technology. The use of such technology can profoundly reduce the severe joint pain experienced by students. Ergonomic technology basically makes computers more comfortable to use and at the same time decrease the tension within the joints. This is seen in places who have made use of this. The chairs are designed in the anatomical shape of the spine to support the back as soon as the student sits on it. Even mousepads have been changed for a shape that is more suitable for the wrist when performing tasks that require more hours. In summary, the use of this ergonomic technology can effectively decrease the joint pain seen in students. I believe that the use of this technology will eventually eradicate this problem and students will never complain of such a minute, yet severe, problem
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Student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
have become more dependent on computer
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technology
. There are
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many
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problems
associated with this topic. This essay will discuss one of these
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problems
and somehow provide a solution for it.

One of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
associated with the abuse of computers is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pain
. Too much time is
being spent
on computer devices in awkward positions. The result of this is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pain
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joints
of the body, ranging from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joints
of the wrist and fingers to the large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joints
of the back.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
examples of these
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students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up taking painkillers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
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pain
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up spending more time on computers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
studies have
directly
linked this
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joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pain
to the overuse of these computer devices.

A solution to this
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problem
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of more ergonomic
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technology
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of such
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technology
can
profoundly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pain
experienced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Ergonomic
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technology
basically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
computers more comfortable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and at the same time decrease the tension within the
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joints
. This is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in places who have made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this. The chairs
are designed
in the anatomical shape of the spine to support the back as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as the
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student
sits on it. Even
Possible spelling mistake found.
mousepads
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
for a shape
that is
more suitable for the wrist when performing tasks that require more hours.

In summary, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this ergonomic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can
effectively
decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. I believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this
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technology
will
eventually
eradicate this
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problem
and
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students
will never complain of such a minute,
yet
severe,
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
problem
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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Elif Safak

IELTS essay Students are becoming more and more reliant on computers. What are some of the problems associated with reliance on computers, and what are some of the possible solutions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
270 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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