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Some people say that its possible to tell a lot about a person's culture and character from their choice of clothes, do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say that its possible to tell a lot about a person's culture and character from their choice of clothes, v. 1
Mass media has been really very strong since mankind has stepped in the twenty-first century as it has been influencing the lives of people in many ways. So anything that is broadcasted on media is of immense significance and is strictly supervised by the news editors for approval whose decisions are influenced by many factors. Current century has seen more bad news as compared to good one so, as a result, people are more habitual to bad news and this has a negative impact on the psychological wellbeing of people which would have been better if more positive news were reported. There are many underlying factors that influence the decisions of news editors. First of all, they keep in mind the channel and advertisement policies which are mainly anti-government or pro-government, according to which they broadcast the news to change the minds of people. For instance, PTV in Pakistan has been always pro-government. Additionally, political parties and governments have a lot of pressure, which news editors have to bear while broadcasting the news. For example, the news is being censored in authoritative regimes like China and Russia. I agree with the notion that we have become more used to the bad news than the good ones and one major reason behind this charade is that these bad news is mostly controversial and are generally considered to boost the viewers of the channel, hence, the channel heads deliberately flash the bad news. However, if the media comes up with the good news like the achievements of great people or informative material, it will motivate the youth to do something good in their lives. Moreover, educational journalism should be promoted so that youth should be more attracted towards getting an education. Summing up the whole discussion, the Editors either of print and electronics have a greater responsibility while flooding the news to the people as it acts as brain washing agent. Hence, positive news should be promoted more so that our societies can be evaluated as more responsible and educated ones.
Mass media has been
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strong since mankind has stepped in the twenty-
first
century as it has been influencing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
anything that
is broadcasted
on media is of immense significance and is
strictly
supervised by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
editors for approval whose decisions
are influenced
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Current
century has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more habitual to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and this has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the psychological
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which would have been better if more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
were reported
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
underlying factors that influence the decisions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
editors.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in mind the channel and advertisement policies which are
mainly
anti-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or pro-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, according to which they broadcast the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the minds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, PTV in Pakistan has been always pro-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Additionally
, political parties and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pressure, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
editors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
bear while broadcasting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is
being censored
in authoritative regimes like China and Russia.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion that we have become more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
and one major reason behind this charade is that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is
mostly
controversial and are
generally
The verb 'considered' is used with the gerund form: "considered boosting".
considered to boost
the viewers of the channel,
hence
, the channel heads
deliberately
flash the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
news.

However
, if the media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
up with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
like the achievements of great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or informative material, it will motivate the youth to do something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Moreover
, educational journalism should
be promoted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that youth should be more attracted towards getting an education.

Summing up the whole discussion, the Editors either of print and electronics have a greater responsibility while flooding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as it acts as brain washing agent.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
should
be promoted
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that our societies can
be evaluated
as more responsible and educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people say that its possible to tell a lot about a person's culture and character from their choice of clothes, v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
339 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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