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Stress related diseases are increasing ? What are the causes and solutions ?

Stress related diseases are increasing? What are the causes and solutions? o5waq
In this contemporary era, there is an heated argument over the issue that many people believe that due to the rising tension and pressure of daily lives, various kinds of detrimental diseases take place. The first part of this essay is going to elaborate on how stress degrades the health of individuals in many ways and the latter half of this essay will explore feasible solutions to it. Firstly, children nowadays have become sedentary. In other words, many people advocate that teenagers prefer to play online games and do not take part in outside sport activities. Moreover, this undoubtedly has increased the weight among adolescents at a growing period of their lives. Additionally, due to unemployment, adults after perusing higher degrees are not able to get recruited because of recession in jobs and these individuals take a lot of strain which has a negative effect on their health. Last but not the least, many individuals get indulged to drugs and become paranoid. To illustrate, several people after being rejected in an work interview take a lot of tension which in turn leads them to certain diseases like heart attacks. There are various solutions to tackle this issue. The first and the foremost is that adolescents should do physical exercises on daily basis to remain fit and healthy followed by a perfect diet. Secondly, scholars after passing higher qualifications should take counseling sessions to make their future bright and to achieve their dreams and desires. Finally, rehabilation centers should be provided for drug users. For example, many people after failed in various attempts got a dream job due to hardwork and consistency. To conclude, nevertheless, there are numerous diseases which have a direct link with stress. However, various solutions have proved to be effective such as taking part in sports activities, hard work and drug free counseling.
In this contemporary era, there is
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
heated argument over the issue that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that due to the rising tension and pressure of daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
kinds of detrimental diseases take place. The
first
part of this essay is going to elaborate on how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
degrades the health of individuals in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways and the latter half of this essay will explore feasible solutions to it.

Firstly
, children nowadays have become sedentary.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
advocate that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
prefer to play online games and do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in outside sport activities.
Moreover
, this
undoubtedly
has increased the weight among adolescents at a growing period of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Additionally
, due to unemployment, adults after perusing higher degrees are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
recruited
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of recession in jobs and these individuals take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
strain which has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on their health. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
indulged to drugs and become paranoid. To illustrate, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
after
being rejected
in
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
work interview take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
tension which in turn leads them to certain diseases like heart attacks.

There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
solutions to tackle this issue. The
first
and the foremost
You should probably use "am", "are", "aren".
is
that adolescents should do physical exercises on daily basis to remain fit and healthy followed by a perfect diet.
Secondly
, scholars after passing higher qualifications should take counseling sessions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their future bright and to achieve their dreams and desires.
Finally
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
rehabilation
centers should
be provided
for drug users.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
after failed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
attempts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a dream job due to
Possible spelling mistake found.
hardwork
and consistency.

To conclude
,
nevertheless
, there are numerous diseases which have a direct link with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
solutions have proved to be effective such as taking part in sports activities,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and drug free counseling.
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IELTS essay Stress related diseases are increasing? What are the causes and solutions?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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