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Stress related are becoming increasingly common?what you do think are the causes of this?what solutions can you suggest ?

Stress related are becoming increasingly common? what you do think are the causes of this? what solutions can you suggest? kjL9W
It is claimed that issues related to mental health such as depression, migraine and cervical are increasing day by day. However, in my opinion, these kinds of problems can be overcome by following simple measures in the form of meditation, yoga and physical exercises. This essay will discussed the root causes of this aforementioned phenomenon owing to tremendous amount of competition in job market and imbalance between work life in the subsequent paragraphs. To embark with, there are numerous reasons behind this issues, the most crucial one is the amount of competition in the employment facilities which means that one cannot find a particular job easily because of increasing population in this contemporary epoch. Consequently, unemployment leads to create stress and worries among people which ultimately refers to various mental diseases and physical as well. Moreover, imperfect balance amid personal and professional life is not only a cause, but also high family expectations which results in depression among youngsters. Due to hectic schedule, mostly people don’t get enough time to meet the demands of their families. To exemplify, an American study (2020) revealed that during covid 19 pandemic, 80% of population were suffered from depression because they lost their jobs and could not able to feed their families. Thus, it creates problems of mental illness. How meditation and yoga helps to reduce stress among individuals? It is first and foremost solution to the problem of stress, because with the help of meditation, yoga activities one can able to concentrate and have feeling of relaxed mind and rejuvenation. Thereby, it let worries to go away from human body. In addition to this, there should work and life balance counseling sessions which should be organized by government and employers as well, so that, they can get awareness about harmful consequences of mental health issues. For example, Indian government made compulsory subject of yoga education considering the need of an hour among all primary and secondary schools. Hence, mental illness among children will be reduced. To conclude, stress related illness are prevailing assertion that can overcome by taking counseling sessions of work life balance and with the aid of meditation, yoga putting focus on root causes of the same
It
is claimed
that issues related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health such as depression, migraine and cervical are increasing day by day.
However
, in my opinion, these kinds of problems can
be overcome
by following simple measures in the form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meditation
, yoga and physical exercises. This essay will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "discuss"
discussed
the root causes of this aforementioned phenomenon owing to tremendous amount of competition in job market and imbalance between work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the subsequent paragraphs. To embark with, there are numerous reasons behind
Did you mean "these"?
this
issues, the most crucial one is the amount of competition in the employment facilities which means that one cannot find a particular job
easily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of increasing population in this contemporary epoch.
Consequently
, unemployment leads to create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
and worries among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
which
ultimately
refers to various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
diseases and physical
as well
.
Moreover
, imperfect balance amid personal and professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a cause,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
high family expectations which results in depression among youngsters. Due to hectic schedule,
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demands of their families. To exemplify, an American study (2020) revealed that during
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid 19
pandemic, 80% of population
were suffered
from depression
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they lost their jobs and could not able to feed their families.
Thus
, it creates problems of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
illness. How
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meditation
and yoga
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
among individuals? It is
first
and foremost solution to the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meditation
, yoga activities one
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
can able to
concentrate and have feeling of relaxed mind and rejuvenation. Thereby, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
worries to go away from human body.
In addition
to this, there should work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
balance counseling sessions which should
be organized
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and employers
as well
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
awareness about harmful consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health issues.
For example
, Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
made compulsory subject of yoga education considering the need of an hour among all primary and secondary schools.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
illness among children will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
related illness are prevailing assertion that can overcome by taking counseling sessions of work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
balance and with the aid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meditation
, yoga putting focus on root causes of the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
same
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IELTS essay Stress related are becoming increasingly common? what you do think are the causes of this? what solutions can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
365 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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