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sports teaches important lesson

sports teaches important lesson ELb7x
Undoubtedly, sport plays a great role in our life and keeping mental and physical health of society. In spite of their benefits, a question is aroused attention of society whether playing game give us a considerable lesson about life? In response of this question, opinion is diverse. A number of people advocate this statement while few of them think that opposite are true. As far as I am concerned, I completely agree with this topic. I will elaborate my idea in detail in following paragraphs. To begin with, doing physical exercise teaches us to be stamina. In fast paced modern world, human encounters various challenge and dilemma that post threat to their life, in order to survive in the condition, people should trained that never give up an persist in events that they fail and persuade hardly own goals. Sports field is a symbol of real world. victory and defeat is a integral part of sports competitions, athletes sometime fail, but they never get frustrated. even they are always hope to change game result at last moment. soccer players are merit example in this regard. i remembered that Iranian football team lose 2-0, surprisingly, result of race has been changed at late 10 minute and it win this win. Another aspect of current argument is that playing sport teaches us to put always higher level goals on span life. After graduation and finding a occupational position, most people take no serious action to change their situation. On contrast, athletes are always tried to get higher position. Even champers in special field intensively strives to achieve higher record that it have. Having this characteristic are vital in modern era where there fierce competition in job market. It lead to enrich own knowledge and to be employable. Finally, doing sports teach us to consider moral value in any position. this undeniable fact that human being is jealous and self interested. specially when competing each others, their effort is that achieve successful even if this success cause to hit other competitors. While players consider ethical value even they loss game. To illustrate, football players never continue football game in the case of injuring ones until injured person are gone out of field. Put in nutshell, according to above mentioned, it can be concluded that doing exercise give lesson that it is useful for our life including being stamina and persistence and considering moral value in various situation.
Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
plays a great role in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and keeping mental and physical health of society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
their benefits, a question
is aroused
attention of society whether playing game give us a considerable lesson about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
? In response of this question, opinion is diverse. A number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advocate this statement while few of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that opposite are true. As far as I
am concerned
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this topic. I will elaborate my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
in detail in following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, doing physical exercise teaches us to be stamina. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced modern world, human encounters various challenge and dilemma that post threat to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, in order to survive in the condition,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "train"
trained
that never give up
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
persist in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that they fail and persuade hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
goals.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
field is a symbol of real world.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
victory
and defeat is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
integral part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
competitions, athletes sometime fail,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
frustrated.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
even
they are always
Consider using a past participle here: "hoped".
hope
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
game result at last moment.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
soccer
players are merit example in this regard.
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
remembered that Iranian football team lose 2-0,
surprisingly
, result of race has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
at late 10 minute and it
Did you mean "wins"?
win
this win.

Another aspect of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
argument is that playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
teaches us to put always higher level goals on span
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. After graduation and finding
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
occupational position, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
take no serious action to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their situation. On contrast, athletes are always tried to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher position. Even champers in special field
intensively
strives to achieve higher record that it have. Having this characteristic are vital in modern era where there fierce competition in job market. It
Did you mean "leads"?
lead
to enrich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
knowledge and to be employable.

Finally
, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
teach us to consider moral value in any position.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
undeniable fact that human being is jealous and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self interested
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
specially
when competing each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
, their effort is that achieve successful even if this success cause
Did you mean "hitting"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'cause' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to hit
other competitors.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
players consider ethical value even they
Did you mean "lost" (past tense of the verb 'lose')?
loss
game. To illustrate, football players never continue football game in the case of injuring ones until injured person
are gone
out of field.

Put in nutshell, according to above mentioned, it can
be concluded
that doing exercise give lesson that it is useful for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
including being stamina and persistence and considering moral value in various situation.
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IELTS essay sports teaches important lesson

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
404 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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