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sports and social activities are merely as important as classes and libraries

sports and social activities are merely as important as classes and libraries m9OmN
Whether at educational systems, sports and social activities are merely as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal budget seems to be controversial. There are some people who believe that study halls and classrooms are more important rather than sports and social activities and should be more paid by the government; however, I tend to believe that sport and recreational activities are part and parcel of our life and should be supported financially as equally as classes and libraries. I feel this way for two reasons, which I would explore in what follows. The primary reason why I am supporting my idea lies in the fact that sports and social activities at universities can help students to active their brains and clear their minds. These recreational activities help students to release their mental and physical tensions. Also, because of these social activities, the opportunity is up for college students to enhance their cognitive abilities and be more sociable in their life. To be more specific, these sports and social activities can affect students’ learning abilities to learn their lessons more efficiently because their brain has more potential to learn. In other words, sport and social activities can motivate students to be more enthusiastic related to the theory topics such as math, biology, and literature, but this is not the case when universities merely support financially classes and libraries with less paying attention to social and sports activities. Another subtle point that I should consider is the fact that students have different personalities and universities should pay attention to this concept. As is evident to everyone, university students have various skills and their abilities are not as same as each other. Some students might be more talented in theory topics such as math, biology, and literature; some others might be more gifted in sport and social activities such as soccer, volleyball, and art in general. Therefore, they need to have adequate opportunities to burgeoning their talents. As a result, universities and colleges with a reasonable financial support should provide a suitable situation for all students with different skills to help them to nurture their talents and be successful in the future. According to the reasons have been discussed in the preceding paragraphs, it can be claimed that universities should pay attention to sport and social activities and support financially as same as libraries and classes because these social activities can help students be more active and prepared for learning their theory topics. Also, students have different skills, and some students might be more gifted at sport and social activities rather than theory lessons.
Whether at educational systems,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
merely
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
and libraries and should receive equal budget seems to be controversial. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that study halls and classrooms are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and should be more paid by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
;
however
, I tend to believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are part and parcel of our life and should
be supported
financially
as
Use either "equally" or "as" on its own. When comparing two nouns, use "just as".
equally as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
and libraries. I feel this way for two reasons, which I would explore in what follows.

The primary reason why I am supporting my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
lies in the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to active their brains and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
their minds. These recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to release their mental and physical tensions.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, the opportunity is up for college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to enhance their cognitive abilities and be more sociable in their life. To be more specific, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
learning abilities to learn their lessons more
efficiently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their brain has more potential to learn.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to be more enthusiastic related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theory
topics such as math, biology, and literature,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is not the case when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
merely
support
financially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
and libraries with less paying attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities.

Another subtle point that I should consider is the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
personalities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should pay attention to this concept. As is evident to everyone,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and their abilities are not as same as each other.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
might be more talented in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theory
topics such as math, biology, and literature;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others might be more gifted in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as soccer, volleyball, and art
in general
.
Therefore
, they need to have adequate opportunities to burgeoning their talents.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and colleges with a reasonable financial support should provide a suitable situation for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to nurture their talents and be successful in the future.

According to the reasons have
been discussed
in the preceding paragraphs, it can
be claimed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should pay attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and support
financially
as same as libraries and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
be more active and prepared for learning their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theory
topics.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
might be more gifted at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theory
lessons.
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IELTS essay sports and social activities are merely as important as classes and libraries

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
434 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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