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In today’s world, when sports stars gain enough popularity among the public, they are often offe

In today’s world, when sports stars gain enough popularity among the public, they are often offe lRErb
In today’s world, when sports stars gain enough popularity among the public, they are often offered contracts to advertise products or even luxury goods. As a result, most sports stars can make a fortune through advertising pricey products or other merchandise. This has some negative impacts alongside its own positive influences. There are several significant advantages to sports stars advertising luxury goods. To begin with, by using their fame, sports stars are able to bring more exposure to a company and in turn those corporations would give them extremely high payments. Accordingly, both the company and the sports stars can benefit from this. Conversely, sports professionals using their image to encourage people to purchase expensive goods has some noticeable drawbacks. First and foremost, in the modern world, these sports stars’ audience consist of not only adults but also minors. As these children may demand parents to purchase those expensive merchandise for them, it can put a heavy burden on their guardians. Secondly, many celebrities may unknowingly advertise unauthorized products or false information, this can result in younger fans being negatively influenced. Therefore, the significant negative effects of sports stars advertising products using their fame should not be overlooked. In conclusion, while the benefits of advertising products through sports stars are noticeable, its drawbacks are more significant. Therefore, I firmly believe that this is overall a negative development.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
popularity among the public, they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
offered contracts to advertise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
or even luxury
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
As a result
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a fortune through advertising pricey
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
or other merchandise. This has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts alongside its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influences.

There are several significant advantages to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "sport".
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
advertising luxury
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, by using their fame,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
are able to bring more exposure to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and in turn those corporations would give them
extremely
high payments.
Accordingly
, both the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
can benefit from this.

Conversely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
professionals using their image to encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
expensive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
noticeable drawbacks.
First
and foremost, in the modern world, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars’
audience consist of not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
minors. As these children may demand parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
those expensive merchandise for them, it can put a heavy burden on their guardians.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
celebrities may
unknowingly
advertise unauthorized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
or false information, this can result in younger fans being
negatively
influenced.
Therefore
, the significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
using their fame should not
be overlooked
.

In conclusion
, while the benefits of advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
are noticeable, its drawbacks are more significant.
Therefore
, I
firmly
believe that this is
overall
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.
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IELTS essay In today’s world, when sports stars gain enough popularity among the public, they are often offe

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
227 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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