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sporting events can be a good way to ease international tensions and release patriontism safely

sporting events can be a good way to ease international tensions and release patriontism safely jDp5p
As a fan of sports competitions, I agree with the idea that sporting events can be essential for international relations and national unity. In this article, I will talk about the influence of these sporting events. First of all, the World Cup, Olympics and other international games have the effect of easing tensions between different countries. In the mid-1990s, hundreds of North Korean supporters came to South Korea with soccer players, and they were very excited about sporting events. At that time, many North Koreans shouted and cried during the match, much to the surprise of South Koreans. On the other hand, some matches can worsen relations like the soccer match between Korea and Japan. In conclusion, I believe that international sporting events can be one of the good ways to defuse tension or safely release patriotism. But that cannot be the basis of patriotism or peaceful international relations.
As a fan of sports competitions, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
can be essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
relations and national unity. In this article, I will talk about the influence of these sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the World Cup, Olympics and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
games have the effect of easing tensions between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries. In the mid-1990s, hundreds of North Korean supporters came to South Korea with soccer players, and they were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
excited about sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. At that time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
North Koreans shouted and cried during the match, much to the surprise of South Koreans.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
matches can worsen relations like the soccer match between Korea and Japan.
In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
can be one of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
ways to defuse tension or
safely
release patriotism.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
that cannot be the basis of patriotism or peaceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
relations.
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IELTS essay sporting events can be a good way to ease international tensions and release patriontism safely

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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