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Scientists generally agree that the consumption of junk food is detrimental to health. Some people believe that the answer to this problem is education. Others disagree, saying that it will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Scientists generally agree that the consumption of junk food is detrimental to health. Some people believe that the answer to this problem is education. Others disagree, saying that it will not work. ewPbx
Some researchers mostly find that the absorption of fast food is negative to human body. Many individuals are of the belief that the key to this issue is education, while others refuse and saying that it will not be effective. Although both schools of thought hold a certain degree of accuracy, I am with the latter view. On the one hand, it is obviously true that education is the answer to this issue because people will know how to avoid junk food that are harmful to their health. First of all, schools will let people know the fact that fast food contains a lot of fat, oil, cholesterol, and so on, which can cause obesity, diabetes, cardiovascular disorders, and other kind of diseases that are life-threatening. People would be afraid of that just simply because they are scared of facing the death, so they would stop consuming processed food. Therefore, solving health diseases that are related to junk food would need a very huge support from education. On the other hand, although education would be a very great supporter for addressing health issues that related to readily made food, it will not be very effective as many people thought because of the fact that it also depends on finance and life’s factors. For instance, a disadvantaged-finance person would not have many opportunities to get to know about junk food that are bad for health, and they also do not have enough conditions to purchase ingredients to cook at home, they would buy processed food due to poverty and convenience. Thus, education will not be very efficacious for solving problems about the disadvantages of junk food. To conclude, although education is a valuable assistant for helping people to avoid eating junk food, it is not really a key to that problem because there are many other factors that can affect to people’s eating habits. Therefore, I agree with the latter view instead of the former view.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
researchers
mostly
find that the absorption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
to human body.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals are of the belief that the key to this issue is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, while others refuse and saying that it will not be effective. Although both schools of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
hold a certain degree of accuracy, I am with the latter view.

On the one hand, it is
obviously
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the answer to this issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will know how to avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that are harmful to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, schools will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
contains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, oil, cholesterol, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, which can cause obesity, diabetes, cardiovascular disorders, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
kind of diseases that are life-threatening.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
would be afraid of that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are scared
of facing the death,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
consuming processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Therefore
, solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
diseases that
are related
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
would need a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
huge support from education.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
would be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
great supporter for addressing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues that related to
readily
made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, it will not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
it
also
depends on finance and life’s factors.
For instance
, a disadvantaged-finance person would not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, and they
also
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
conditions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
ingredients to cook at home, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
due to poverty and convenience.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
efficacious for solving problems about the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
food.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a valuable assistant for helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to avoid eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, it is not
really
a key to that problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors that can affect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
eating habits.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter view
instead
of the former view.
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IELTS essay Scientists generally agree that the consumption of junk food is detrimental to health. Some people believe that the answer to this problem is education. Others disagree, saying that it will not work.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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