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Sport professionals eran more money than others

Sport professionals eran more money than others b3E5B
It is certainly true that nowadays, so many sports professionals are earning a huge amount of money than other professional jobs, due to their success in their field. There are diverse opinions in this regard which are claiming that their salary is fair or not. However, in my view, although they effort hardly for their job, their salaries should be in moderation and logical. not just because of their success. So many people assume that successful sportspersons can earn much more money than others because they are trying hard and they have a very difficult life routine for being a professional. In addition to this, they believe that all of their efforts are due to gaining pride for their nation. on the other hand, most of these people will be suffering from bone and muscles injuries, when they get retired and stop continuing their professional exercises. Thus, it is justified to earn more money and have a calm life. However, other people believe that there are so many hard and professional workers, who do not earn money due to their success and popularity and their jobs affect their life and health too. something that their life continuously depends on their jobs. For instance, firefighters are very vital for their society and they put their lives in danger to help others. doctors can be another example in this regard who take time and study for many years to being an important and useful person for their country. By contrast, their salaries are very unfair compared with sports professionals. In conclusion, so many people have difficulties in their special major and I believe that there should be logical differences between diverse kinds of jobs salaries.
It is
certainly
true that nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
are earning a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, due to their success in their field. There are diverse opinions in this regard which are claiming that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
or not.
However
, in my view, although
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they effort
hardly for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
should be in moderation and logical.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their success.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assume that successful
Possible spelling mistake found.
sportspersons can
earn much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are trying
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hard and
they have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult life routine for being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
.
In addition
to this, they believe that all of their efforts are due to gaining pride for their nation.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, most of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be suffering from bone and muscles injuries, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
retired and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
continuing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
exercises.
Thus
, it
is justified
to earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and have a calm life.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
workers, who do not earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
due to their success and popularity and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
affect their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
and health too.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
something
that their life
continuously
depends on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
For instance
, firefighters are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
vital for their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
society and
they put their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
doctors
can be another example in this regard who take time and study for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years to being an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and useful person for their country. By contrast, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unfair compared with sports professionals.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have difficulties in their special major and I believe that there should be logical differences between diverse kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
.
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IELTS essay Sport professionals eran more money than others

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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