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sport is one of the most popular draws on television today. some people argue that the practice of showing sports on television is to blame for poor health of the young generation by encouraging them to watch rather than take in physical activity. To what extend do you agree with this view ?

sport is one of the most popular draws on television today. some people argue that the practice of showing sports on television is to blame for poor health of the young generation by encouraging them to watch rather than take in physical activity. do9V2
Sports have their separate fan base hence, there is no two thoughts that, sports are widely spread, much popular, and loved among all aged group of people because of Television. Despite that, some group of thoughts believes, it has adverse effects on youngster's health. However, there are multifarious people who has inspire from sports and have choose career as a sport. Therefore, I believe it depends upon individuals and reasons for my inclinations are articulated in forthcoming paragraphs. First and foremost, television is most popular medium to connect audience with various events which happens in world and sport is one of them. Especially in summer month, when youngsters have their academic vacations those sports are telecast. Thus, most of youngsters spare their time on screen by watching their favourite sports and addicted to have junk foods, and soft drinks. Adding to it, those are waste time by seating at one place all the time rather than doing any physical activities or playing sports. Thereby, they invited several health issues such as, obesity, diabetes, weight gain, eye sight issues and much more. On contrary, few of them are so passionate and enthusiastic for sports that they decided to opted sports as a career. Also, they made role model to sport person and try to emitted as them physically by exercise and eating healthy food. Additionally, youngsters also joining sports academy to learn more tactics and do practice. One study proves that, who determine to sports are less prone to depression than others who don't. Moreover, to motivate and encourage kids’ schools are also organising inter-school competitions to encourage students when sports series are telecasting on television to boost their confidence level and achieve their goal in career as sports. To sight an example, Mr. Sachin Tendulkar is inspiring sportsperson so by watching his effortless cricket various people learnt and today many of them are successful sportsmen. To a close scrutiny, though some of the youngsters waste their precious time and effecting their health through spending couple of hours Infront of Television but health issues among youngsters are not only bounded to television, it is affected by other factors too. So, telecasting such a sport are necessity to boost youngsters’ abilities and encouraging them towards life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
have their separate fan base
hence
, there is no two thoughts that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
widely
spread, much popular, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
among all aged group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
. Despite that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
group of thoughts believes, it has adverse effects on youngster's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
However
, there are multifarious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
has
Use past participle here: "inspired".
inspire
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and have
Use past participle here: "chosen".
choose
career as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
Therefore
, I believe it depends upon individuals and reasons for my inclinations
are articulated
in forthcoming paragraphs.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is
Did you mean "the most"?
most
popular medium to connect audience with various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
which happens in world and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is one of them.
Especially
in summer month, when youngsters have their academic vacations those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are telecast.
Thus
,
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the youngsters") or simply say "most youngsters".
most of youngsters
spare their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on screen by watching their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and addicted to have junk foods, and soft drinks. Adding to it, those are waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by seating at one place all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
rather
than doing any physical activities or playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Thereby, they invited several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues such as, obesity, diabetes, weight gain,
This word is usually spelt together: "eyesight".
eye sight
issues and much more.

On contrary, few of them are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
passionate and enthusiastic for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that they decided to opted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as a career.
Also
, they made role model to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
person and try to
Did you mean "emit"?
emitted
as them
physically
by exercise and eating healthy food.
Additionally
, youngsters
also
joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
academy to learn more tactics and do practice. One study proves that, who determine to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are less prone to depression than others who don't.

Moreover
, to motivate and encourage kids’ schools are
also
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
inter-school competitions to encourage students when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
series are telecasting on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
to boost their confidence level and achieve their goal in career as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. To sight an example, Mr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
is inspiring sportsperson
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
by watching his effortless cricket various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them are successful sportsmen.

To a
Consider using "scrutiny".
close scrutiny
, though
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
youngsters waste their precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and effecting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
through spending
It seems that an article is missing.
couple of
hours
Possible spelling mistake found.
Infront
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues among youngsters are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bounded to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by other factors too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, telecasting such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
are necessity to boost youngsters’ abilities and encouraging them towards life.
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IELTS essay sport is one of the most popular draws on television today. some people argue that the practice of showing sports on television is to blame for poor health of the young generation by encouraging them to watch rather than take in physical activity.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
374 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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