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Sport has undergone significant changes over the past decades. Yet under the circumstances of the present-day world, sport should not become commercialised, such as with advertisements and endorsements; to suggest the contrary can produce harmful effects. Discuss this statement and give your opinion

Sport has undergone significant changes over the past decades. Yet under the circumstances of the present-day world, sport should not become commercialised, such as with advertisements and endorsements; to suggest the contrary can produce harmful effects. Discuss this statement and give your opinion WYWBK
Sport has changed dramatically since its very first historical event—the ancient Olympic Games. In our present-day realities, sport seems to be revolving around money. Traditionalists often bemoan the over-commercialisation of sport. They tend to claim that sport has lost its true ‘colour’. Admittedly, sport is becoming a new type of business, or even an industry. What once made it special—the emotional connection between players and fans, the competitive spirit, and the simple joy of watching a game—seems to have faded. In a whole range of sports, including football and tennis, it is money that talks and leads the way. We can see advertisements all over stadiums, sponsors place their logos on every single free spot they can find, and television companies charge horrendous prices for watching top games. From TV rights to replica kits bought by fans, commercial considerations have been at the forefront of most developments in sport. In other words, sport has turned so commercialised that it is feared to have lost its ‘soul’. While it is true that commercialisation has such a negative impact on sport, we are certainly going too far in stating that sport has lost its ‘soul’. Such is a long-established activity, if not a tradition, that were it to lose its ‘soul’ so easily, did it even have a ‘soul’ to begin with, or even one that is worth saving? Were its ‘soul’ to be dying, why do millions of fans all over the world still watch matches in stadiums and at home and celebrate or suffer with their team? Try as it might, apparently, commercialisation has been unable to drive the ‘soul’ out of sport. In fact, sport is not separate from other aspects of life. It will inevitably be affected by progress, not frozen in time. We are living in a world of globalisation and technology, and these are bound to have an impact on the way sport is represented and delivered. Fans can watch live coverage of practically any game wherever they are in the world. Professional players are paid to maintain their status and performance on a national and international level. Sport today, especially e-sport, attracts a wider audience than it could ever have expected in the past. Clearly, commercialisation affects a certain kind of sports, often popular ones shown on television to maximise the effect of the publicity, while amateur sports still remain free of advertisements and endorsements. Such an introduction of publicity has not damaged sport but even brought about practical, legitimate benefits. Sport has been and will still be an important source of pleasure and pride. Much as commercialisation has infiltrated a part of the world of sport, I believe we will keep enjoying and appreciating that world. After all, it is the people who love watching and playing sport that have been keeping its spark alive, and this is what sport is all about.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
since its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
first
historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
—the ancient Olympic Games. In our present-day realities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
seems to be revolving around money.

Traditionalists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
bemoan the
Possible spelling mistake found.
over-commercialisation
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. They tend to claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
has lost its true ‘
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
’.
Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is becoming a new type of business, or even an industry. What once made it special—the emotional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
players and fans, the competitive spirit, and the simple joy of watching a game—seems to have faded. In a whole range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, including football and tennis, it is money that talks and leads the way. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
advertisements all over stadiums, sponsors place their logos on every single free spot they can find, and television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
charge horrendous prices for watching top games. From TV rights to replica kits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by fans, commercial considerations have been at the forefront of most developments in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
has turned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible spelling mistake. 'commercialised' is British English.
commercialised
that it
is feared
to have lost its ‘soul’.

While it is true that
Possible spelling mistake. 'commercialisation' is British English.
commercialisation
has such a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, we are
certainly
going too far in stating that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
has lost its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
‘soul’
. Such is a long-established activity, if not a tradition, that were it to lose its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
‘soul’
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
easily
, did it even have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
‘soul’
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, or even one
that is
worth saving? Were its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
‘soul’
to be dying, why do millions of fans all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
matches in stadiums and at home and celebrate or suffer with their team? Try as it might,
apparently
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'commercialisation' is British English.
commercialisation
has been unable to drive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
‘soul’
out of sport.

In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is not separate from other aspects of life. It will
inevitably
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by progress, not frozen in time. We are living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
and technology, and these
are bound
to have an impact on the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is represented
and delivered. Fans can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
coverage of
practically
any game wherever they are in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. Professional players
are paid
to maintain their status and performance on a national and international level.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
especially
e-sport, attracts a wider audience than it could ever have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
in the past.
Clearly
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'commercialisation' is British English.
commercialisation
affects a certain kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
popular ones shown on television to
Possible spelling mistake. 'maximise' is British English.
maximise
the effect of the publicity, while amateur
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
still
remain free of advertisements and endorsements. Such an introduction of publicity has not damaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
even brought about practical, legitimate benefits.

Sport has been and will
still
be an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
source of pleasure and pride. Much as
Possible spelling mistake. 'commercialisation' is British English.
commercialisation
has infiltrated a part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, I believe we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
enjoying and appreciating that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
After all
, it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
watching and playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
that have been keeping its spark alive, and this is what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is all about.
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IELTS essay Sport has undergone significant changes over the past decades. Yet under the circumstances of the present-day world, sport should not become commercialised, such as with advertisements and endorsements; to suggest the contrary can produce harmful effects. Discuss this statement and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
479 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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