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Spending too much time in TV

Spending too much time in TV WnbKD
Spending too much time in front of TV has become so common among youngsters, which has its negative influence on children. TV can affect children's health badly and it also has a bad impact on their behavior. I really believe that parents should limit the amount of watching TV to curb its negative consequences. Craving for watching TV has increased among young people in recent years, however it has negative consequences. First of all, watching too much TV can result in the loss of concentration. It may also result in health problems such as obesity, heart attack and eyesight problems. Moreover, it increases laziness among individuals, especially children, so they like staying at home in front of screens instead of going out, doing some exercises or hanging out with friends. Secondly, TV shows and programs have a bad impact on the behavior of children as it shows very dangerous programs which include violent scenes. Consequently, the children will imitate what they watch and this will lead to bad behavior. Moreover, children waste most of their time sitting in front of cartoon programs, so they become unsociable. In my opinion, parents have to regulate the amount of watching TV by giving them different alternatives such as sports or reading books. In addition, parents can help their children to choose the right program which is useful for them. They shouldn’t allow them to watch violent programs that may have a bad impact on their behavior. To conclude, TV has many negative consequences on children's health and behavior, so parents should indulge their children in different activities and sports not be addicted to TV.
Spending too much time in front of TV has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
common among youngsters, which has its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. TV can affect children's health
badly
and it
also
has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
impact on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
. I
really
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should limit the amount of watching TV to curb its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
consequences.

Craving for watching TV has increased among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in recent years,
however
it has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
consequences.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, watching too much TV can result in the loss of concentration. It may
also
result in health problems such as obesity, heart attack and eyesight problems.
Moreover
, it increases laziness among individuals,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they like staying at home in front of screens
instead
of going out, doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercises or hanging out with friends.

Secondly
, TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
which include violent scenes.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will imitate what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
and this will lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
waste most of their time sitting in front of cartoon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they become unsociable.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
regulate the amount of watching TV by giving them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
alternatives such as sports or reading books.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to choose the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
which is useful for them. They shouldn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
that may have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
impact on their behavior.

To conclude
, TV has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
consequences on children's health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should indulge their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities and sports not
be addicted
to TV.
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IELTS essay Spending too much time in TV

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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