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Some people choose to keep fit by joining a gym but gyms can be crowded and expensive. Do you think the advantages of joining a gym outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people choose to keep fit by joining a gym but gyms can be crowded and expensive. Do you think the advantages of joining a gym outweigh the disadvantages? 0EbrQ
There are several ways of keeping fit. Some people believe that joining a gym is the most ideal way for them to stay healthy, so that they decide to choose join a gym but fitness center can be full of people and cost an arm and leg. In this essay, the writer will show some benefits and drawbacks of taking part in gyms. The most important advantage is that improves health. Working out regularly has numerous benefits, from preventing colon and breast cancer to improving muscle strength, joint mobility, and blood circulation. When going to the gyms, a personal trainer will build a training program and nutrition regimen with timetable, specific exercises and instruct how to do exercise in the right way. Another benefit is that training with other people can be an enormous motivator to do gymnastics a little bit harder and reach the goal quickly. In addition, gyms are a great place to meet new people and make friends, some even love. Besides these benefits, taking part in a gym also has some drawbacks. The first is that fitness centers can be crowded and expensive. In these days of Covid-19, coming to a busy place is dangerous, and may not afford to pay the membership fee. Anything overdone is not beneficial, doing too many gyms can damage heart or muscle injury. To sum up, taking part in a fitness center seem to own more benefits than drawbacks. However, the most important thing is to stay healthy reasonably and carefully.
There are several ways of keeping fit.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that joining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
is the most ideal way for them to stay healthy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they decide to choose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
fitness center can be full of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and cost an arm and leg. In this essay, the writer will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
and drawbacks of taking part in gyms.

The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
advantage is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
health. Working out
regularly
has numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
, from preventing colon and breast cancer to improving muscle strength, joint mobility, and blood circulation. When going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gyms
, a personal trainer will build a training program and nutrition regimen with timetable, specific exercises and instruct how to do exercise in the right way. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
is that training with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be an enormous motivator to do gymnastics a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
harder and reach the goal
quickly
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gyms
are a great place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.

Besides
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
, taking part in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks. The
first
is that fitness centers can
be crowded
and expensive. In these days of Covid-19, coming to a busy place is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
, and may not afford to pay the membership fee. Anything overdone is not beneficial, doing too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gyms
can damage heart or muscle injury.

To sum up, taking part in a fitness center seem to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
than drawbacks.
However
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is to stay healthy
reasonably
and
carefully
.
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IELTS essay Some people choose to keep fit by joining a gym but gyms can be crowded and expensive. Do you think the advantages of joining a gym outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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