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Spending in many extra activity caused they

Spending in many extra activity caused they EOYR
In current decade, further people have spent a lower time to communicate with family members. Spending in many extra activity caused they do not have time to speak with each other. Firstly, these dayes many people have to have two or more jobs and they cannot be with their family. By growing technology and innovate a number of new appliances, every body wants to use a new device so they have to purchase them. The affordablity to buying their requirements is not possible by only one job so they are looking and working in second jobs. For example a person that have office job must work in free time by taxi to achieve more money whereby they do not have extra time to communicate with family member. Secondly, the Internet occupy a numerous amount of time of peoples. The social media and online programs in the Internet have more fascinating for young people. The power of those fascinate every body and young people addicted to this media. For example, both Facebook and Istagram are popular for this issue. The Internet Televisions are the another reason. These programs fill the gap and variety of people everydays spend time to watching new session of the movie and they addicted to those movies. These movies are so attractive for youth so it is impossible for them to do other activity. In conclusion, I am strongly agree that occupying time by working in the second job, and likewise, Use the Internet are two significant reason that people have less communication with each other to compare with the past.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
decade,
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have spent a lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to communicate with family members. Spending in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
extra activity caused they do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to speak with each other.

Firstly
, these
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "days", the plural form of the noun 'day'?
dayes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
have two or more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
jobs and
they cannot be with their family. By growing technology and innovate a number of new appliances, every body wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a new device
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
them. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
affordablity
to buying their requirements is not possible by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are looking and working in second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
For example
a person that have office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work in free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by taxi to achieve more money whereby they do not have extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to communicate with family member.

Secondly
, the Internet occupy a numerous amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
. The social media and online programs
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the Internet".
in the Internet
have more fascinating for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The power of those fascinate every body and young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
addicted to
Did you mean "these"?
this
media.
For example
, both Facebook and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Istagram
are popular for this issue. The Internet Televisions are the another reason. These programs fill the gap and variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
everydays
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to watching new session of the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
movie and
they addicted to those movies. These movies are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
attractive for youth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is impossible for them to do other activity.

In conclusion
, I am
strongly
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
that occupying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by working in the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, and
likewise
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Use
the Internet are two significant reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have less communication with each other to compare with the past.
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IELTS essay Spending in many extra activity caused they

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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