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Many people believe that alcohol causes many problems and there have been frequent calls for the government to ban it. To what extent do you agree?

Many people believe that alcohol causes many problems and there have been frequent calls for the government to ban it. oYO3
Many problems have been associated with the consumption of alcohol and so many citizens are demanding that the authorities do something to make it illegal. I totally agree that action is necessary to prevent the sale of alcoholic beverages, because they are having a serious effect on people’s health, relationships with others, and the harmony of society in general. The main reason why I think alcohol should be forbidden is because when people drink it has a grave effect on their health. Excessive levels of alcohol consumption have been linked to liver disease, heart disease, and neurosis. Also, people who drink more are more likely to suffer from a heart attack. In addition, young people that drink are more likely to suffer from depression. Therefore alcohol should be banned to enable people to have a long and happy life. Another problem that drinkers face is a worsening of their relationships with others. People who get drunk will easily lose their friends if they behave badly and don’t treat their friends with respect. Even family members will not tolerate violent or offensive behaviour. I think that many family disputes involve the consumption of excessive levels of alcohol by one or more of the participants. So, people that binge drink may end up lonely, and they may cause harm to their family. Finally, the effects of drinking are taking a huge toll on society in general. Drinking causes a great deal of vandalism and crime on the streets. In addition, the cost to the health system is enormous. Drinking also results in many road fatalities, I had a classmate that died when drinking and driving. Therefore, alcohol should be prohibited in order to protect our society in general. In summary, I reaffirm my position that alcohol should be forbidden because it has a serious effect on people’s health and their relationships with others. It is also causing many problems in society. Therefore we must do something to solve this problem or we will be living terrible lives in an unhealthy society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
have
been associated
with the consumption of

alcohol and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
citizens are demanding that the authorities do

something to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it illegal. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that action is

necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the sale of alcoholic beverages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they

are having a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health, relationships with

others, and the harmony of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in general
.

The main reason why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
should
be forbidden
is

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
it has a grave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on their health.

Excessive levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
consumption have
been linked
to liver

disease, heart disease, and neurosis.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
more

are more likely to suffer from a heart attack.
In addition
, young

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
are more likely to suffer from depression.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
should
be banned
to enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a long

and happy life.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
that drinkers face is a worsening of their

relationships with others.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
drunk will
easily
lose

their friends if they behave
badly
and don’t treat their friends with

respect. Even family members will not tolerate violent or offensive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
family disputes involve the

consumption of excessive levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
by one or more of the

participants.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that binge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up lonely, and

they may cause harm to their family.

Finally
, the effects of drinking are taking a huge toll on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in

general. Drinking causes a great deal of vandalism and crime on

the streets.
In addition
, the cost to the health system is enormous.

Drinking
also
results in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
road fatalities, I had a classmate that

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
when drinking and driving.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
should
be prohibited
in order to protect our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in general
.

In summary, I reaffirm my position that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
should
be forbidden
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health and

their relationships with others. It is
also
causing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in

society.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do something to solve this
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
problem or


we will be living terrible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in an unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.

IELTS essay Many people believe that alcohol causes many problems and there have been frequent calls for the government to ban it.

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
339 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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