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species loss is concerning. solutions ?

species loss is concerning. solutions? Ajj1L
In recent days, the loss of species is put up a major topic of concern around the world. many species are already on the verge of extinction. Therefore, this problem has to be addressed as soon as possible. First of all, researchers had proved that the human effect has a huge impact on wild animals' natural habitats. this could be explained that due to the increasing population, deforestation occurs in order to build many facilities and infrastructure. Not only that, a number of species are hunted illegally for traditional medicine. For instance, people often believe that rhinos' horns could cure cancers, however, in contrast, that could lead to many unpredictable diseases. Furthermore, the rarity of species such as tigers and bears often makes them more attractive and lucrative for lawbreakers. Also, animals are hunted for their furs and specific parts of bodies which help in decoration and fashion. The loss of species would adversely affect the ecosystem as well as the life cycles of the remaining animals in the population. Therefore, the government should release a variety of new mandatory laws so as to punish those who hunt the animals for money. In addition, a sheer number of trees need to be planted in an attempt to create homes for wild animals. The government could also limit the urbanized areas as well. in conclusion, vanishing species is mainly by deforestaion.
In recent days, the loss of species
is put
up a major topic of concern around the world.
many
species are already on the verge of extinction.
Therefore
, this problem
has to
be addressed
as
soon
as possible.
First of all
, researchers had proved that the human effect has a huge impact on wild animals' natural habitats.
this
could be
explained
that due to the increasing population, deforestation occurs in order to build
many
facilities and infrastructure. Not
only
that, a number of species
are hunted
illegally
for traditional medicine.
For instance
,
people
often
believe that rhinos' horns could cure cancers,
however
,
in contrast
, that could lead to
many
unpredictable diseases.
Furthermore
, the rarity of species such as tigers and bears
often
makes
them more attractive and lucrative for lawbreakers.
Also
,
animals
are hunted
for their furs and specific parts of bodies which
help
in decoration and fashion. The loss of species would
adversely
affect the ecosystem
as well
as the life cycles of the remaining
animals
in the population.
Therefore
, the
government
should release a variety of new mandatory laws
so as to
punish those who hunt the
animals
for money.
In addition
, a sheer number of trees need to
be planted
in an attempt to create homes for wild
animals
. The
government
could
also
limit the urbanized areas
as well
.
in
conclusion, vanishing species is
mainly
by
deforestaion
.
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IELTS essay species loss is concerning. solutions?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
230 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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