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Space exploration cost tax payers an exorbitant amount of money each year. What are the advantages and disadvantages of spending money on space exploration? v.1

Space exploration cost tax payers an exorbitant amount of money each year. What are the advantages and disadvantages of spending money on space exploration? v. 1
Subsidizing arts branches such as drawing or music by governments, recently, has become an extremely controversial issue. A number of people believe that the money, which is spent on such fields, should be saved to benefit other public services, while others, including me, argue that supporting arts financially is indispensable on account of its pivotal role in mirroring cultures and raising emotional generations. To commence with, I and advocates of the approach of adopting arts governmentally contend that it is paramount for depicting and documenting the shape of countries` cultures. Take, for instance, the paintings of old Egyptian civilization, which give detailed pieces of information about this era and the pristine traditions of the Egyptians. Therefore, had not been for such images, which are protected and maintained by government, the ethnic cultural aspects would have been missed. This why I insist that in order to keep nations` history, governments should assume responsibility for spending on the arts. Further and even more importantly, though, playing on musical instruments, singing, or even dancing aids, firmly, in building healthy individuals emotionally. This matter, which was shown by recent researches that clarified that musicians and dancers are often more balanced psychologically. As they could express their feelings by arts means and learn to be more considerate and tender in dealing with others. Hence, such sorts of arts have to be subsidized to raise sound society and minimize the rate of psychological issues. By way of conclusion, whereas some people claim that the arts should be replaced by other public services to be subsidized, I wholeheartedly believe that these kinds of arts worth being a chief part from the government`s attention.
Subsidizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
branches such as drawing or music by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
, recently, has become an
extremely
controversial issue. A number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the money, which
is spent
on such fields, should
be saved
to benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
public services, while others, including me, argue that supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
financially
is indispensable on account of its pivotal role in mirroring cultures and raising emotional generations.

To commence with, I and advocates of the approach of adopting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
Possible spelling mistake found.
governmentally
contend that it is paramount for depicting and documenting the shape of countries` cultures. Take,
for instance
, the paintings of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
Egyptian civilization, which give detailed pieces of information about this era and the pristine traditions of the Egyptians.
Therefore
, had not been for such images, which
are protected
and maintained by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, the ethnic cultural aspects would have
been missed
. This why I insist that in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
nations` history,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should assume responsibility for spending on the arts.

Further
and even more
importantly
, though, playing on musical instruments, singing, or even dancing aids,
firmly
, in building healthy individuals
emotionally
. This matter, which
was shown
by recent researches that clarified that musicians and dancers are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
more balanced
psychologically
. As they could express their feelings by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
means and learn to be more considerate and tender in dealing with others.
Hence
, such sorts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be subsidized
to raise sound society and minimize the rate of psychological issues.

By way of conclusion, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should
be replaced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
public services to
be subsidized
, I
wholeheartedly
believe that these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
worth being a chief part from the
The character between 'government' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "government’s" (curly apostrophe) or "government's" (straight apostrophe).
government`s
attention.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Space exploration cost tax payers an exorbitant amount of money each year. What are the advantages and disadvantages of spending money on space exploration? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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