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Some people say that excessive use of mobile phones and computers badly affects teenagers' writing and reading skills. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that excessive use of mobile phones and computers badly affects teenagers' writing and reading skills. Give your opinion. v. 1
These days, many younger generations are reluctant to mark their vote in some nations. The main problem this cause is that political parties would provide less priority for young people's worries, and the most viable solution is to organise an awareness campaign to warn youngsters about the consequences of their negligence to vote. The primary dilemma arises due to younger generation's reluctance to vote is that their growing concerns about education and employment would not get appropriate recognition from the political parties. That is to say that when politicians are elected to office, they tend to implement policies that favour older people because they are more inclined to vote rather than the youngsters. Hence, this condition would generate social or economic inequalities in the society. For example, a recent survey published by the Public Policy Research showed that, in 2010, Indian government's new policies favoured mostly older people as they cast their vote 30% higher than younger people. To tackle this predicament, the government should launch a publicity campaign to inform the younger generation about the impact of their decision, not to vote. Many younger generations are unaware about the fact that they often receive lesser consideration from the government, if they refused to vote. An awareness campaign could shed some lights on this difficult situation and they would increasingly participate in electoral processes in order to attain their rights from the government. A similar initiative in India resulted in a 32% increase in young people's participation in 2018's Assembly election and now the government focus more on developing education and employment opportunities for them. In conclusion, younger generation's negligence to vote is a major issue that can result in a deduction in services and benefits from the government to these category people, however, this can be addressed through educating them about the dangers of this trend.
These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generations are reluctant to mark their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vote
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations. The main problem this cause is that political parties would provide less priority for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's worries, and the most viable solution is to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
an awareness campaign to warn youngsters about the consequences of their negligence to vote.

The primary dilemma arises due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation's reluctance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vote
is that their growing concerns about education and employment would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
appropriate recognition from the political parties.
That is
to say that when politicians
are elected
to office, they tend to implement policies that
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are more inclined to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vote
rather
than the youngsters.
Hence
, this condition would generate social or economic inequalities in the society.
For example
, a recent survey published by the Public Policy Research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that, in 2010, Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's new policies
Possible spelling mistake. 'favoured' is British English.
favoured
mostly
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as they cast their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vote
30% higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To tackle this predicament, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should launch a publicity campaign to inform the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation about the impact of their decision, not to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vote
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generations are unaware about the fact that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
receive lesser consideration from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, if they refused to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vote
. An awareness campaign could shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
lights on this difficult
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
situation and
they would
increasingly
participate in electoral processes in order to attain their rights from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. A similar initiative in India resulted in a 32% increase in young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's participation in 2018's Assembly election and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
focus more on developing education and employment opportunities for them.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation's negligence to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vote
is a major issue that can result in a deduction in services and benefits from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to these category
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
however
, this can
be addressed
through educating them about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of this trend.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that excessive use of mobile phones and computers badly affects teenagers' writing and reading skills. Give your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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