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Something that goes horribly wrong

Something that goes horribly wrong 0almQ
Knight school I always wanted to be a knight just like my sister but my dad would not allow me because I am the only one who can inherit the crown after my sister Eliza became a knight. My dad wants me to be safe but I can not just let that happen. Before Eliza left, she gave me a ring that she got from a fairy that can change me whenever I press it, and with that, I joined the knight school as Ciara. In knight school, every team must have 4 members and that is when I met the phoenix squad which was Arc, Prudence, and Warwick. Arc was a thief who joined knight school to become a legendary knight and defeat Ryker after he destroyed his town. He also found out that I am princess Daniella. Prudence was a giant but she had a normal size body with her giant strength and Warwick is a wizard that can do magic. There is a legend about all-powerful armor that is indestructible and my sister's squad went to find it. After a year she appeared in Astoria injured. She found where the armor was and wants me to get it because she could not trust anyone, Ryker had spies everywhere. Arc found out that my sister knew where the armor is and wants to tag along. I decided to go, the map says it is in the mountain ''you're going to freeze'' and arc still came with a shirt we found the armor it was stuck inside a huge cube of ice and had a handprint on it once I touched it the armor was free. In the meantime, Prudence, Warwick, and Sage were working on destroying the armor in case it goes into the wrong hands. We were about to get the armor and Rykers and his Knights appeared and started to fight then my sister appeared not injured yelling "put your swords down" heroically. She was talking to us, she joined Ryker and betrayed Astoria. Ryker was explaining that he needed a royal whose heart was true to Astoria and that's why my sister tricked me. We managed to get away and went to inform my dad but it was too late I saw him casting a spell to make them evil and obey him and got a mark on their hand with the letter R. Arc went to check on the others, sage brought crystal powered weapons and Warwick put a strong spell on them that almost made him lose his power. The knight school students went and fought them while I was fighting my sister. I saw the mark on her hand she wasn't evil she was under a spell. I got the weapon and hit her with it and she came back to her senses and the others hit Ryker and he was banished again. After all that I confessed to my dad and the whole kingdom that I was Ciara. Guess what! He knew all along after a couple more months of training and had the final assignment which we won and so we graduated and became knights of Austria. Although we were enemies I didn’t think it was fair for Sage and Buttercup so I convinced my dad that they should be knights to and that’s my story of how I became a knight.
Knight school

I always wanted to be a knight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sister
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dad
would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I am the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one who can inherit the crown after my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sister
Eliza became a knight. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dad
wants me to be safe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I can not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
that happen.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
Eliza
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
, she gave me a ring that she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
from a fairy that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
me whenever I press it, and with that, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the knight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as Ciara.

In knight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, every team
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have 4 members and
that is
when I met the phoenix squad which was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arc
, Prudence, and Warwick.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arc
was a thief who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
knight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to become a legendary knight and defeat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ryker
after he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
his town. He
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
found
out that I am princess Daniella. Prudence was a giant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
she had a normal size body with her giant strength and Warwick is a wizard that can do magic. There is a legend about all-powerful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armor
that is
indestructible and my sister's squad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
went
to find it.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
a year she appeared in Astoria injured. She
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
found
where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armor
was and wants me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she could not trust anyone,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ryker
had spies everywhere.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arc
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
found
out that my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sister
knew where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armor
is and wants to tag along. I decided to go, the map says it is in the mountain ''you're going to freeze'' and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arc
still
came with a shirt we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
found
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armor
it
was stuck
inside a huge cube of ice and had a
Possible spelling mistake found.
handprint
on it once I touched it the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armor
was free.

In the meantime, Prudence, Warwick, and Sage were working on destroying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armor
in case it goes into the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
hands. We were about to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armor
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rykers
and his Knights appeared and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to fight then my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sister
appeared not injured yelling
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
put your swords down
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
heroically
. She was talking to us, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ryker
and betrayed Astoria.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ryker
was explaining that he needed a royal whose heart was true to Astoria and that's why my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sister
tricked me. We managed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
away and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
went
to inform my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was too late I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
him casting a spell to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them evil and obey him and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a mark on their hand with the letter R.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arc
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
went
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on the others, sage brought crystal powered weapons and Warwick put a strong spell on them that almost made him lose his power.

The knight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
went
and fought them while I was fighting my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sister
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the mark on her hand she wasn't evil she was under a spell. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the weapon and hit her with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it and
she came back to her senses and the others hit
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Ryker and
he
was banished
again.
After all
that I confessed to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dad
and the whole kingdom that I was Ciara. Guess what! He knew all along after a couple more months of training and had the final assignment which we
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
won and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we graduated and became knights of Austria. Although we were enemies I didn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
for Sage and Buttercup
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I convinced my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dad
that they should be knights to and that’s my story of how I became a knight.
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IELTS essay Something that goes horribly wrong

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
562 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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