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Some young people want to live and work in develop countries instead of their own nations.

Some young people want to live and work in develop countries instead of their own nations. gW2PD
Choosing a place worth living and working is one of the concerns of many young people. A rising trend among many young individuals these days is working in foreign nations, especially Western countries and developed nations. This essay will examine the relevant causes of this tendency and its impacts on the fatherland of these people. To begin with, the primary cause of this trend is quality of life. For example, many young people have a tendency to like to work in good conditions. Companies in Western countries have a very nice deal. People can have a well-paid job and better social welfare benefits when they work in foreign companies. Besides, their children have access to a much better education for free. In the world, there are many countries which provide the best quality of education for free like the US, Japan, Germany, … In addition, people will feel more secure because there are a lot of camera with AI in the street can protect them from evil. And living in a fairer society is also one of the elements that make people want to live in developed countries.  Since then, young people will have had a life full of both material and spiritual. There will be several negative and positive influences on this trend. First of all, when people have a well-paid job, they can be help their family’s finances. Recent financial studies show that there are billions of dollars sent back to Vietnam every year from emigrants from all over the world. It can help to develop nation's economies. Secondly, people who work in develop countries can equip themselves with fully skill and knowledge. Then, they can create a workforce of high quality. There are some negative effects when people are living in a good environment. They don’t want to return to their country. It will lack of well-qualified labor, lead to a situation called brain drain. Labor shortage will be a big impact for a country. Governments and companies need to come up with policies like raising salaries to attract well-qualified staff to help the country develop more prosperous.
Choosing a place worth living and working is one of the concerns of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. A rising trend among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals these days is working in foreign nations,
especially
Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and developed nations. This essay will examine the relevant causes of this tendency and its impacts on the fatherland of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the primary cause of this trend is quality of life.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a tendency to like to work in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
conditions.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
in Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
nice deal.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can have a well-paid job and better social welfare benefits when they work in foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
Besides
, their children have access to a much better education for free. In the world, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which provide the best quality of education for free like the US, Japan, Germany, …
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will feel more secure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
Possible agreement error. The noun camera seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of camerae", "a lot of cameras".
a lot of camera
with AI in the street can protect them from evil. And living in a fairer society is
also
one of the elements that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.  Since then,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have had a life full of both material and spiritual.

There will be several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influences on this trend.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a well-paid job, they can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their family’s finances. Recent financial studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that there are billions of dollars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
back to Vietnam every year from emigrants from all over the world. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to develop nation's economies.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who work in develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can equip themselves with
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and knowledge. Then, they can create a workforce of high quality. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
environment. They don’t want to return to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It will lack of well-qualified labor, lead to a situation called brain drain.

Labor shortage will be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
impact for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with policies like raising salaries to attract well-qualified staff to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
develop more prosperous.
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IELTS essay Some young people want to live and work in develop countries instead of their own nations.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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