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describe a member family

describe a member family dlPGE
Well, it’s really hard for me to choose one family member that I admire because, you know, I love and admire them all equally. But if I had to choose one, it would have to be my dad. You know, my dad is a very hard-working person. He gets up pretty early, at about 5 and 5: 30 every morning. He often has a quick breakfast and then goes to the farm. He normally works 10 or 12 hours a day on the farm. You know,  farming for a living is hard work, especially during summertime, when the temperature can go up to nearly 40 degrees which is extremely hot. Working outdoors in this condition is a nightmare. Although my dad has to work super hard to support the family, I’ve never heard him complain about hard work or things like that. That’s the first reason why I really admire him. And the second thing that I want to talk about is that my dad is a very dedicated husband and father. He always puts his family first. I feel like he’s willing to do everything to make his wife and children smile. Although he has to work super hard during the day, he always makes time for me and my brothers and sisters. I’ve learned a great deal from my dad. You know, being a farmer’s daughter, I understand the value of hard work. My dad is always a good role model ****for me. Actually, there are so many things that I could talk about, but I know that I don’t have enough time for it. So if I had to choose one family member that I admire the most, I would talk about my dad.
Well, it’s
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
for me to choose one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member that I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admire
them all
equally
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if I had to choose one, it would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be my dad.

You
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dad
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working person. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
up pretty early, at about 5 and 5: 30 every morning. He
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
has a quick breakfast and then goes to the farm.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
He
normally
works 10 or 12 hours a day on the farm. You
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
farming for a living is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
especially
during
Consider using "summer".
summertime
, when the temperature can go up to
nearly
40 degrees which is
extremely
hot. Working outdoors in this condition is a nightmare. Although my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
 work super
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, I’ve never heard him complain about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or things like that. That’s the
first
reason why I
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admire
him.

And the second thing that I want to talk about is that my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dad
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
dedicated husband and father. He always puts his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
first
. I feel like he’s willing to do everything to 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
his wife and children smile. Although he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
super
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
during the day, he always 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
time for me and my brothers and sisters.

I’ve learned a great deal from my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dad
. You
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
, being a farmer’s daughter, I understand the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dad
is always a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
role model ****for me. Actually, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things that I could talk about,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
that I don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
if I had to choose one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member that I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admire
the most, I would talk about my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dad
.
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IELTS essay describe a member family

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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