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Some young people think that living with their parents is better than living on their own. Do you agree or disagree?

Some young people think that living with their parents is better than living on their own. pXEW2
In today’s modern society, some youngsters think that living with their parents is better than living by themselves. I totally agree with this point of view and in this essay, I will explain why. It is indisputable that living with parents has benefits. One of them is that parents are financial support for children so financial burden gets reduced. Sometimes, their parents help them to pay for other expenditures such as new motorbike, new smartphone, new laptop, new clothes, … Thanks to living with mother and father, youngsters are not under pressure regarding money problems. Coming to next benefit, young people most likely no need to do all house chores, like cooking, washing, gardening, feeding the cat, … Because the burden of housework is shared by all family members. In addition, living together with parents can help to release the pressure and make feel more comfortable. For instance, after a exhausted working day, a graduate student can have meals, discuss problems at workplace and maybe get some advice. On the other hand, there is few disadvantage when staying with parents. It is undoubted that young people become overly dependent on their parents. They are not able to manage on their own and judge work because of being used to staying in their comfort zone for a long time. In addition, people are more freedom when they live without their parents. To sum up, I believe that home is the best place which young people should live. Although staying with parents may provide many advantageous factors, it seems to me that it is better for teenagers to take responsibility for their life at the age of 18.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
by themselves. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view and in this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why.

It is indisputable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
has benefits. One of them is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are financial support for children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
financial burden
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to pay for other expenditures such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
motorbike,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
smartphone,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
laptop,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
clothes, … Thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with mother and father, youngsters are not under pressure regarding money problems. Coming to
next
benefit, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
most likely no need to do all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
chores, like cooking, washing, gardening, feeding the cat, …
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
the burden of housework
is shared
by all family members.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
together with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to release the pressure and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
feel more comfortable.
For instance
, after
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
exhausted working day, a graduate student can have meals, discuss problems at workplace and maybe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advice.

On the other hand
, there is
Possible agreement error. The noun disadvantage seems to be countable; consider using: "few disadvantages".
few disadvantage
when staying with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. It
is undoubted
that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become
overly
dependent on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. They are not able to manage on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and judge work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to staying in their comfort zone for a long time.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more freedom when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without their parents.

To sum up, I believe that home is the best place which young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. Although staying with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantageous factors, it seems to me that it is better for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to take responsibility for their life at the age of 18.
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IELTS essay Some young people think that living with their parents is better than living on their own.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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