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Some young people believe that while at school they should concentrate on studying; others think that working part-time has many advantages

Some young people believe that while at school they should concentrate on studying; others think that working part-time has many advantages Kwn5L
To work or not to work? That is the question which many young people ask themselves. What advantages and disadvantages do part-time jobs have? Nowadays a lot of young people are happy to get some job, for the money or the experience. They work after classes, on weekends, or during vacations. To my mind, even part-time jobs can help them pick up new skills, which they can develop. Working as babysitters, waiters, cashiers or shop-assistants young people learn to be industrious, persistent, communicative and to value time and money. What is more, part-time jobs help develop such values as initiative, self-discipline, punctuality, practicality and many others. Besides, a lot of young people prefer earning money to asking their parents for some. However, some teenagers and their parents are sure that work will interfere with their studies and may lead to falling grades. Besides, some young people think that it is too early for them to work. All they need is to enjoy their carefree lives. In some families young people don't work because their parents are rich enough and they do not need extra money they can earn. But I still believe that work is a valuable experience for teenagers. To conclude, it's up to you to decide whether to work part-time or to concentrate on studying. Anyway, I think that work experience can help young people develop the skills which employers look for and realize their own abilities.
To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or not to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
?
That is
This sounds awkward in English. The standard is "the question of which".
the question which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
ask themselves. What advantages and disadvantages do part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
have?

Nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are happy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
or the experience. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after classes, on weekends, or during vacations. To my mind, even part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them pick up new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which they can develop. Working as babysitters, waiters, cashiers or shop-assistants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn to be industrious, persistent, communicative and to value time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
What is more
, part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
develop such values as initiative, self-discipline, punctuality, practicality and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to asking their parents for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and their parents are sure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will interfere with their studies and may lead to falling grades.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is too early for them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. All they need is to enjoy their carefree
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
families
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their parents are rich
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
enough and
they do not need extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they can earn.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
still
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is a valuable experience for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

To conclude
, it's up to you to decide whether to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
part-time or to concentrate on studying. Anyway, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
develop the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which employers look for and realize their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
abilities.
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IELTS essay Some young people believe that while at school they should concentrate on studying; others think that working part-time has many advantages

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
239 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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