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Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Some prefer living with their parents. State your opinion.

Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Some prefer living with their parents. State your opinion. 6aGbl
A young adult is a phase where people are quite delicate. This is at the point in their lives where they are about to spread their wings. The prompt above states the two views of the young adults: Some young adults prefer independence, while some prefer living with their parents. In my opinion, I consider living with their parents to be a better choice. I support this notion for several reasons. Firstly, young adults are at that age where they have just passed through adolescence. They are still driven by emotions, adrenaline, and an impulsive personality. In such a situation, getting guidance from parents will help them enter their adulthood on the right note. They won't get flustered by the new changes in their lives namely paying bills and taxes. Since, this is an initial step having support from the parents would develop good habits in the long run. Secondly, living among family members will insinuate a feeling of responsibility. They will be aware of all the sacrifices made by their parents and realize the things they have done to sustain their life and support their family. Although they are inexperienced with the problems of life and supporting a family, they will eventually notice their duties towards their family. The young adults will have develop some maturity in their thought process compared to their teenager period which makes it a perfect time to learn and observe from their parents. Eventually they will learn to participate. However, some may argue that living under the shadow of parents would never be considered as being a full adult. They will always be dependent on their parents enen for trivial matters such as changing tyres of their cars or visiting a bank for a deposit. Although this may happen in some cases, it mainly depends on their attitude. If they are responsible and they do have the awareness of the difficulties and arduous tasks that have taken a toll on their parents they are likely to develop independecy. No human is perfect and similarly not all young adults who live alone are independent. There are even instances where the parents require to provide pocket money even if they live separately. It solely depends in the type of personality one has. In conclusion, leaving parents and living separately alone will not guarantee independence, and living with parents does not always imply dependency. There are instances where living with parents generates togetherness among the family members and results in a stable life. Contrastingly, young adults who are alone may succumb to depression as well. This implies that the result is solely dependent on how an individual handles a situation. It is not a black-and-white matter but a subjective issue. However, in my opinion, I refer to living with my parents during my young adult phase.
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult is a phase where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are quite delicate. This is at the point in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
where they are about to spread their wings. The prompt above states the two views of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
:
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
prefer independence, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. In my opinion, I consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to be a better choice. I support this notion for several reasons.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are at that age where they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
passed through adolescence. They are
still
driven by emotions, adrenaline, and an impulsive personality. In such a situation, getting guidance from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them enter their adulthood on the right note. They won't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
flustered by the new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
namely
paying bills and taxes.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
, this is an initial step having support from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits in the long run.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members will insinuate a feeling of responsibility. They will be aware of all the sacrifices made by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and realize the things they have done to sustain their life and support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Although they
are inexperienced
with the problems of life and supporting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, they will
eventually
notice their duties towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
will have
Use past participle here: "developed".
develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
maturity in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process compared to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
period which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it a perfect time to learn and observe from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Eventually
they will learn to participate.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
under the shadow of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would never
be considered
as being a full adult. They will always be dependent on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
Possible spelling mistake found.
enen
for trivial matters such as changing
Possible spelling mistake. 'tyres' is British English.
tyres
of their cars or visiting a bank for a deposit. Although this may happen in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, it
mainly
depends on their attitude. If they are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
responsible and
they do have the awareness of the difficulties and arduous tasks that have taken a toll on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
they are likely to develop
Possible spelling mistake found.
independecy
. No human is perfect and
similarly
not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
alone are independent. There are even instances where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
require
Did you mean "providing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to provide
pocket money even if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
separately
. It
solely
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "depends on".
depends
in the type of personality one has.

In conclusion
, leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
separately
alone will not guarantee independence, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
does not always imply dependency. There are instances where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
generates togetherness among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members and results in a stable life.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Contrastingly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
who are alone may succumb to depression
as well
.
This implies that
the result is
solely
dependent on how an individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
handles
a situation. It is not a black-and-white matter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a subjective issue.
However
, in my opinion, I refer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
during my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult phase.
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IELTS essay Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Some prefer living with their parents. State your opinion.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
468 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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