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Some workplace tend to employ equal numbers of men and women. Is it positive or negative development

Some workplace tend to employ equal numbers of men and women. Is it positive or negative development 1baqy
In the eyes of law and competitive world both men and women enjoy equal rights and duty. In employment sector also women plays indispensable role in growth. We can see at many workplace appoint there workers without any gender discrimination as a result men and female get equal chance to get employ. This phenomenon is offering multifarious benefits to the workers and societies. However, sometimes a couple of problems emerge due to the same. The ensuing paragraph would be elucidated pros overshadow cons of this scenario. To commence with the first and foremost bright sides, previously before 21st century men tend to work and earn whereas women prefer to look after other household activities like cooking, cleaning, take care of child and many more. However, in todays competitive world women followed footsteps of men and achieved many success. Secondly, in some sectors like salon, cooking, cosmetics etc women are more knowledgeable then men. Last but not least, working together will build mutual respect and co-ordination for work. On flip sides, there are several nasty consequences as well, firstly, talent should valued more than keeping same number of men and women. Many times its happens that talented and skilled men get rejected and other and someone else get selected on the base of general quota to epitome to this scenario recently in Gujarat, India, a protest has been carried out of banning reservations quotas. Secondly, it has proven that men are more enthusiastic and have more stamina than women. To conclude with, moreover, each gender should get respect and equally treated in the workplace or outside of it and selection should be carried out not only gender quota but talent and skill also should be consider.
In the eyes of law and competitive world both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
enjoy equal rights and duty. In employment sector
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
plays indispensable role in growth. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
at
Possible agreement error. The noun workplace seems to be countable; consider using: "many workplaces".
many workplace
appoint there workers without any gender discrimination
as a result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and female
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
equal chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employ. This phenomenon is offering multifarious benefits to the workers and societies.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
a couple of problems
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "emerges"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'emerge' is not always incorrect.)
emerge
due to the same. The ensuing paragraph would
be elucidated
pros overshadow cons of this scenario. To commence with the
first
and foremost bright sides, previously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
21st century
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
tend to work and earn whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
prefer to look after other household activities like cooking, cleaning, take care of child and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
However
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
competitive world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
followed footsteps of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and achieved
Possible agreement error. The noun success seems to be countable; consider using: "many successes".
many success
.
Secondly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sectors like salon, cooking, cosmetics etc
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are more knowledgeable
Did you mean "than"?
then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, working together will build mutual respect and co-ordination for work. On flip sides, there are several nasty consequences
as well
,
firstly
, talent should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "value"
valued
more than keeping same number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
times its happens that talented and skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rejected and other and someone else
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "gets", "got".
get
selected on the base of general quota to epitome to this scenario recently in Gujarat, India, a protest has
been carried
out of banning reservations quotas.
Secondly
, it has proven that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are more enthusiastic and have more stamina than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
To conclude
with,
moreover
, each gender should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
respect and
equally
treated in the workplace or
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
it and selection should
be carried
out not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
gender quota
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
talent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
also
should be
Consider using the past participle "considered"?
consider
.
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IELTS essay Some workplace tend to employ equal numbers of men and women. Is it positive or negative development

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
285 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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