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Some working parents believe childcare centers can provide the best care for children, while others think family members like grandparents can do it better. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some working parents believe childcare centers can provide the best care for children, while others think family members like grandparents can do it better. RWbpM
Currently, many parents tend to be busy working, and they need to rely on someone else to take care of their offspring. While some people think childcare organisations can offer the best care, I would argue that children should be looked after by their grandparents. On the one hand, parents who argue their children can be well cared for in childcare centers have their sound reasons. The first one is that since those centres are professional organisations, their staff are often well trained and therefore have good babysitting skills. For example，  there are many daycare centres that may adopt the concept of play and learning, which is conducive to adjusting to the formal schooling in the future.  In addition, daycare centre is a great place for kids to meet peers on a daily-basis, which might increase their communication and language abilities. Therefore, the importance of daycare in child development cannot be undermined. However, there are those who claim that family members can look after children better. In there opinion, youngsters looked after by their grandparents are likely to become more family-oriented and appreciate the value of a happy family.  Also, keeping children in familiar surroundings would develop sense of security. Furthermore, considering grandparents are family members,  they love their grandchildren more than other people do. As a result, they tend to spend much more time and effort caring for their grandchildren,  compared to  childcare staff  who have a large number of children to care for, some of whose physical or mental needs might be overlooked. In conclusion, while there are some benefits for children being sent to childcare centres, I believe their own grandparents should raise them.  although the staff in childcare centers may be qualified educators, they will not develop the kind of emotional bond which family members share and which is also important for the development of the very young.
Currently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents tend to be busy working, and they need to rely on someone else to take care of their offspring. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
childcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
can offer the best care, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be looked
after by their grandparents.

On the one hand, parents who argue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be well cared for in childcare centers have their sound reasons. The
first
one is that since those
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
are professional
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
, their staff are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well trained
and
therefore
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
babysitting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. For
The character '，' is not a standard comma, although it can look like a comma. Use "example,".
example，
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
daycare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
that may adopt the concept of play and learning, which is conducive to adjusting to the formal schooling in the future.  
In addition
, daycare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
is a great place for kids to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
peers on a daily-basis, which might increase their communication and language abilities.
Therefore
, the importance of daycare in child development cannot
be undermined
.

However
, there are those who claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members can look after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
better. In there opinion, youngsters looked after by their grandparents are likely to become more family-oriented and appreciate the value of a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.  
Also
, keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in familiar surroundings would develop sense of security.
Furthermore
, considering grandparents are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
their grandchildren more than other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do.
As a result
, they tend to spend much more time and effort caring for their grandchildren,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
compared to
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
childcare staff
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
who have 
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to care for,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of whose physical or mental needs might
be overlooked
.

In conclusion
, while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to childcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, I believe their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
grandparents should raise them.  
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
although
the staff in childcare centers may
be qualified
educators, they will not develop the kind of emotional bond which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members share and which is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the development of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young.
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IELTS essay Some working parents believe childcare centers can provide the best care for children, while others think family members like grandparents can do it better.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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