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Some women think that they should not marry as they are financially independent

Some women think that they should not marry as they are financially independent Lr3rn
In a society like ours women have always been told that marriage is a thing that brings them financial support. So, most people just relate marriage with financial stability rather than relating it to a bond that provides you with a constant support At early stage due to biological reasons: men having more strong bodies and women being emotionally strong, it was decided that it’s the men who will go out for hunting and women will take care of the house and children but nowadays things have changed. Women are just no longer the fairer and weaker section of the society. I totally agree with the statement and also want to highlight two other major points due to which women’s are thinking of avoiding marriage. Many surveys shows us that for every 2 boys there are 3 girls who are completing their study. Another study tell us that nowadays USA have more number of working force as women than men so the reason for marrying just to get financial benefits has totally vanished. A more recent study shows that 40 percent of the women in U. S above the age of 30 are unmarried out of which 76 percent earn more than the average income. Another main reason why the women are thinking like this is because in a hook-up culture like today, they are unable to find a partner for emotional support. In a countries like Indian many people still thinks that women should sit at home and just take care of the same. Independent girls of this generations are totally against this and they do think that their opinion and independence might not be valued enough after the marriage. More women are getting independent day by day and concept of marriage is slowly fading away. They are preferring relationship over marriage. Even after 10 years of their relationship they are not getting married as they value their freedom and do not want to give it in someone’s else hand because its still believed that after marriage a women should shift in with her in-laws. A new outlook of marriage is being slowly developed by women. The only factors that is governing theirs marriage nowadays is whether they are getting enough emotional support or not.
In a society like ours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have always been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
is a thing that brings them financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
relate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
with financial stability
rather
than relating it to a bond that provides you with a constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
At early stage due to biological reasons:
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
having more strong bodies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
being
emotionally
strong, it
was decided
that it’s the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
who will go out for hunting and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
will take care of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays things have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
no longer the fairer and weaker section of the society.

I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and
also
want to highlight two other major points due to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
are thinking of avoiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
surveys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
us that for every 2 boys there are 3 girls who are completing their study. Another study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
us that nowadays USA have more number of working force as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the reason for marrying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
financial benefits has
totally
vanished. A more recent study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 40 percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in U. S above the age of 30
are unmarried
out of which 76 percent earn more than the average income. Another main reason why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are thinking like this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in a hook-up culture like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, they are unable to find a partner for emotional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
. In a countries like Indian
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should sit at home and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
take care of the same. Independent girls of
Did you mean "these"?
this
generations are
totally
against
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
this and
they do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their opinion and independence might not
be valued
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
after the marriage.

More
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are getting independent day by day and concept of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
is
slowly
fading away. They are preferring relationship over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
. Even after 10 years of their relationship they are not getting married as they value their freedom and do not want to give it in someone’s else hand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
its
still
believed that after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should shift in with her in-laws. A new outlook of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
is being
slowly
developed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
factors
that is
governing theirs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
nowadays is whether they are getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
emotional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
or not.
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IELTS essay Some women think that they should not marry as they are financially independent

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
376 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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