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Describe a person you admire the most. Why do you admire she/he? How does the person affect you?

Describe a person you admire the most. Why do you admire she/he? How does the person affect you? kYLYK
Today, I would like to talk about a person I admire. I suppose most of you will be familiar with this symbol. Yes, this is the symbol of the famous company Alibaba. This company It is one of the most successful companies in China. Some famous online retailing business websites, like TaoBao and Tmall, are both the business of Alibaba. Those services really improve our living standards. When I talk about this company I think most of you have already know who I am going to depict. Yes, he is Jack Ma, the founder of Alibaba. He was born in Hangzhou, Zhejiang Province, which is near to Shanghai. In 1999, Jack Ma founded Alibaba in Hangzhou. In 2017, he have become became the most richest man in China. Turning Regarding to the reasons why he desires my respect, the obvious one is his wisdom and confidence. At first, he was only a normal person like us. He has even failed the college entrance examination for twice. When he left the school, started to find a job, he has been refused several times because of his appearance. His experience was so bumpy, but why he could achieve such a great achievement in the future? That’s because he had confidence in himself that he could achieve success and he really had the power and wisdom to realize his ideas. Sometimes I will think about what I would do if I fail so much times like him. I think it is impossible for me to have the same choice like him. I may just give up when I was refused so much times, but Jack Ma had a totally different attitude to those setbacks. He never cared others’ views and persevered with his own business until he succeeded. What I still want to mention is that he is a grateful and kind man. As we all know, he is a student from Hangzhou Normal University, he joined the school because of his excellent English. After he became a famous businessman, he did not forget his old school, instead he donate some money to help the school. He has also set up some foundations on education and medical treatment. All in all, I think he is admirable. His special experiment can always encourage people who are failed. His help to the society is very significant. In the future, I hope I can become the same person as him.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, I would like to talk about a person I admire. I suppose most of you will be familiar with this symbol. Yes, this is the symbol of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
Alibaba. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
It is one of the most successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in China.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
online retailing business websites, like
Possible spelling mistake found.
TaoBao
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tmall
, are both the business of Alibaba. Those services
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our living standards.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
I talk about this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
most of you have already
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "known".
know
who I am going to depict. Yes, he is Jack Ma, the founder of Alibaba.

He
was born
in Hangzhou, Zhejiang Province, which is near to Shanghai. In 1999, Jack Ma founded Alibaba in Hangzhou. In 2017, he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
become became the
Use only "richest" (without 'most') when you use the superlative.
most richest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
in China.

Turning
The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
the reasons why he desires my respect, the obvious one is his wisdom and confidence. At
first
, he was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a normal person like us. He has even failed the college entrance examination for twice. When he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to find a job, he has
been refused
several times
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his appearance. His experience was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
bumpy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
why he could achieve such a great achievement in the future? That’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he had confidence in himself that he could achieve
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
success and
he
really
had the power and wisdom to realize his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
I will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
about what I would do if I fail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
times like him. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it is impossible for me to have the same choice
Comparison is written 'the same ... "as"'.
like
him. I may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
give up when I
was refused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Jack Ma had a
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
attitude to those setbacks. He never cared others’ views and persevered with his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business until he succeeded.

What I
still
want to mention is that he is a grateful and kind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
. As we all know, he is a student from Hangzhou Normal University, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his excellent English. After he became a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
businessman, he did not forget his
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
instead
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "donates", "donated".
donate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. He has
also
set up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
foundations on education and medical treatment.

All in all, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
he is admirable. His special experiment can always encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
are failed
. His
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to the society is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant. In the future, I hope I can become the same person as him.
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IELTS essay Describe a person you admire the most. Why do you admire she/he? How does the person affect you?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
404 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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