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Some women now work for pay instead of being a traditional homemaker. What are the advantages and disadvantages of thí trend?

Some women now work for pay instead of being a traditional homemaker. What are the advantages and disadvantages of thí trend? Rw9aV
In this day and age, it is increasingly true that due to several changes in the modern society, many women prefer to do a job out of their home rather than be (take the responsibility of being) a homemaker. This tendency is now having both its own benefits and drawbacks. On the one hand, this probably would create a number of advantages. One grant merit of this is that females’ jobs can make a great contribution to household income. As life is becoming expensive, women’s salaries are considered much more essential to ease the financial burden of the family. It means that the earnings which women can get help pay household expenses and satisfy children’s needs. For instance, they can help with water and electric bills, health care and educational fees. Moreover, progress in women’s work can set a good example for their children, which brings better child rearing. While a housewife’s social network is limited, working mothers have a precious opportunity enabling them to engage in more interaction with people from all walks of life. Consequently, their experience and knowledge will motivate their children to become devoted, responsible and conscientious. Turning to another perspective, there are some obvious disadvantages that would arise. First and foremost, women are likely to suffer from constant time pressure. Working mothers are extended to handle both household responsibilities and duties at work in comparison with caregivers who devoted all their time to family. In other words, they apparently have insufficient time for family as well as lacking time for self care and relaxation, which may lead to health problems. Another bad point is the adverse impacts on work efficiency. Since experiencing tiring and boring chores at home negatively takes a toll on their tools in the working place, women cannot apply themselves fully to working effectively or making progress in their career. In conclusion, that women have a job for pay instead of staying at home all the time shows effects on both sides whether it is positive or negative. There are plus points to household finances and children raising. However, the downside would emerge consequently in terms of time pressure and work productivity.
In this day and age, it is
increasingly
true that due to several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the modern society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
prefer to do a job out of their home
rather
than be (take the responsibility of being) a homemaker. This tendency is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
having both its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits and drawbacks.

On the one hand, this
probably
would create a number of advantages. One grant merit of this is that females’ jobs can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a great contribution to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
income. As life is becoming expensive,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
salaries
are considered
much more essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the financial burden of the family. It means that the earnings which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
expenses and satisfy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
needs.
For instance
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with water and electric bills, health care and educational fees.
Moreover
, progress in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which brings better child rearing. While a housewife’s social network
is limited
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
mothers have a precious opportunity enabling them to engage in more interaction with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from all walks of life.
Consequently
, their experience and knowledge will motivate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become devoted, responsible and conscientious.

Turning to another perspective, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obvious disadvantages that would arise.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are likely to suffer from constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
pressure.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
mothers
are extended
to handle both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
responsibilities and duties at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in comparison
with caregivers who devoted all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to family.
In other words
, they
apparently
have insufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for family
as well
as lacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for self care and relaxation, which may lead to health problems. Another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
point is the adverse impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
efficiency. Since experiencing tiring and boring chores at home
negatively
takes a toll on their tools in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
place,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
cannot apply themselves
fully
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
effectively
or making progress in their career.

In conclusion
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have a job for pay
instead
of staying at home all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
effects on both sides whether it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
. There are plus points to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
finances and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
raising.
However
, the downside would emerge
consequently
in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
pressure and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
productivity.
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IELTS essay Some women now work for pay instead of being a traditional homemaker. What are the advantages and disadvantages of thí trend?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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