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It is much easier for parents nowadays to raise children than parents in the past.

It is much easier for parents nowadays to raise children than parents in the past. 86PRB
People often possess different perspectives on whether it is easier for parents today to raise children than parents in the past. While some people argue that it is much easier nowadays, others challenge this notion. As for me, I strongly think that it is easier for parents today to raise children. First of all, education plays a vital role in raising children, and the school fee is much cheaper today than before. For example, the kindergarten fee has decreased more than 50% in Taiwan in recent years, a drop that equals 5, 000 US dollars annually. On the other hand, when I was a kid, my mom spent over 10, 000 US dollars a year for my tuition fee. What’s worse, the tuition of cram school was also exorbitant expensive in the past. Therefore, it was really a burden for parents before since the educational prices were high. Secondly, efficiency is a major factor when it comes to taking care of children, and parents in the modern can save a lot of effort because of the advanced technology. For instance, my brother often searches the YouTube to find how to feed their kids rather than moves long distances to find parents for help. Besides, he could just give a cellphone to his son and would not have to accompany his son all day long. Apparently, parents might feel relaxed to raise children due to the technology improvement. Last but not least, parents care about children’s health, and nowadays children are easier to stay healthy. For example, in the modern, if their children get sick, parents only have to take a few steps to the hospital and ask doctors for help. Besides, it is much convenient for parents to buy some nutrient food such as protein milk or supplemental vitamin. Furthermore, many fatal diseases were disappeared today, so parents would not have to worry about such illness. As a result, children nowadays can grow up with a healthy body. In conclusion, I totally believe that it is easier for parents to look after kids nowadays. After all, parents have more resources today. Besides, it is easier for children to maintain healthy and have an education.
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People
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often
possess
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspectives on whether it is
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easier
for
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parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
to raise
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children
than
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parents
in the past. While
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some
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people
argue that it is much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easier
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nowadays
, others challenge this notion. As for me, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easier
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
to raise children.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, education plays a vital role in raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and the school fee is much cheaper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
For example
, the kindergarten fee has decreased more than 50% in Taiwan in recent years, a drop that equals 5, 000 US dollars
annually
.
On the other hand
, when I was a kid, my mom spent over 10, 000 US dollars a year for my tuition fee. What’s worse, the tuition of cram school was
also
exorbitant expensive in the past.
Therefore
, it was
really
a burden for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
since the educational prices were high.

Secondly
, efficiency is a major factor when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to taking care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in the modern can save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the advanced technology.
For instance
, my brother
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
searches the YouTube to find how to feed their kids
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
long distances to find
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parents
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
Besides
, he could
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
give a cellphone to his son and would not
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have to
accompany his son all day long.
Apparently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
might feel relaxed to raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
due to the technology improvement.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
care about
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children’s
health, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easier
to stay healthy.
For example
, in the modern, if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take a few steps to the hospital and ask doctors for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
Besides
, it is much convenient for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nutrient food such as protein milk or supplemental vitamin.
Furthermore
,
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many
fatal diseases
were disappeared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about such illness.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nowadays
can grow up with a healthy body.

In conclusion
, I
totally
believe that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easier
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to look after kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nowadays
.
After all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have more resources
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
.
Besides
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easier
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to maintain healthy and have an education.

IELTS essay It is much easier for parents nowadays to raise children than parents in the past.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
364 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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