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Many people wear fashionable clothes. Why do you think this is the case. It is a good thing or a bad thing. v.1

Many people wear fashionable clothes. Why do you think this is the case. It is a good thing or a bad thing. v. 1
Wearing brand clothes has been a usual habit in many communities. While the majority of people spend money on fashionable clothes far more than in the past. I personally believe that this lifestyle is advantageous because it shows a person's personality. However, it has some drawbacks which cannot be ignored. To commence with, wearing fashionable clothes is a good thing because it makes a person attractive and as well as well-mannered. Put simply, in today's world, clothes represent a person's dignity and respect. So, people wearing fashionable clothes are considered to be more respectful in the society. For example, a survey conducted in the Ambience mall Gurgaon, people who wear fashionable clothes get more attention from retailers. Additionally, most people want to look like their role models in the entertainment industry. This is especially the youth who spend a plethora of money just to like the dress of their favorite actor or musician. For instance, 60% of teenage girls in India wear a similar dress as a female celebrity. However, this way of living can and has some cons. Firstly, individuals do not care about the quality of the fabric which they buy. In other words, the material used in the dress can be far important than its brand name. To exemplify, A Zara brand shirt cost 100$, which is almost five times we pay for a Coach shirt, whereas the quality and longevity of the latter is far better than a former. In addition, there are bad people in society who cannot control themselves by seeing women wearing stylish and short dresses. This course sometimes causes sexual harassment for women. Cutting the long story, in short, I would like to conclude that even though wearing stylish clothes have both positive and negative effects. So, it is people's responsibility who are wearing the same.
Wearing brand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
has been a usual habit in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
communities.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
far more than in the past. I
personally
believe that this lifestyle is advantageous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a person's personality.
However
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks which cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.

To commence with, wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person attractive and
as well
as well
-mannered. Put
simply
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
represent a person's dignity and respect.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
are considered
to be more respectful in the society.
For example
, a survey conducted in the Ambience mall Gurgaon,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more attention from retailers.
Additionally
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to look like their role models in the entertainment industry. This is
especially
the youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
spend a plethora of money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
of their favorite actor or musician.
For instance
, 60% of teenage girls in India wear a similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
as a female celebrity.

However
, this way of living can and has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cons.
Firstly
, individuals do not care about the quality of the fabric which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
In other words
, the material
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
can be far
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than its brand name. To exemplify, A Zara brand shirt cost
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$100".
100$
, which is almost five times we pay for a Coach shirt, whereas the quality and longevity of the latter is far better than a former.
In addition
, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
cannot control themselves by seeing women wearing stylish and short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dresses
. This course
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
causes sexual harassment for women.

Cutting the long story, in short, I would like
to conclude
that
even though
wearing stylish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
have both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's responsibility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are wearing the same.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Many people wear fashionable clothes. Why do you think this is the case. It is a good thing or a bad thing. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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