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Some universities offer online courses for students. Do you think this is a positive or negative development for students? v.1

Some universities offer online courses for students. Do you think this is a positive or negative development for students? v. 1
With the increase in the technology, people accordingly change time to time. Some people’s hobbies are reading books, magazines, newspaper, etc. In their present life they read all this things in the soft copy (e-book) on their mobile phones, laptop etc. . In contrast, other people still connect with the hard books or paper books. Firstly, the affirmatives of the e-book users are operating their phone and laptop anytime, anywhere either in the morning or at night. The advantage of that is they have no stress to storage the large size paper book or hard copy of any book. It is reliable in each and every situation. People are up to date with the latest news in the market at the same time. But, the disadvantage of this is to maintain the concentrate and focus on the particular subject while reading their column in e-book. Because, there are many other things which will interrupt while reading on the mobile phones and laptops. Recent research on that, only 15-20% people who use their cell phones or other gadgets to read like E-book are only to complete the whole things with high concentrate. Other 75 – 85% people are interrupted by messaging app or any other advertisement. Apart from this, there are some users to read only paper book instead of e-book in this modern world. The advantage of that they will never lose their concentration while reading paper books. Besides that they do not want to be in the part of the present technological world. But the disadvantage in these is to handle the hard copy and to store with them. Moreover, they did not use this in incongruous places which this is not suitable. Also, they do not read in the bedtime and also they will not have to connect with this world and stay updated. To conclude, both the views are biased in those which are comfortable and suitable in their life. But in the rise of the technology, the young generation is quite biased towards this e-book side instead of paper book reading.
With the increase in the technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
accordingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
time to time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
hobbies are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, magazines, newspaper, etc. In their present life they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
all
Did you mean "these"?
this
things in the soft copy (e-book) on their mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, laptop etc.
Two consecutive dots
.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
connect with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
or paper books.

Firstly
, the affirmatives of the e-book users are operating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and laptop anytime, anywhere either in the morning or at night. The advantage of
that is
they have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
to storage the large size paper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
copy of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
. It is reliable in each and every situation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are up to date with the latest news in the market at the same time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the disadvantage of this is to maintain the concentrate and focus on the particular subject while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
their column in e-book.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things which will interrupt while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
on the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and laptops. Recent research on that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15-20%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
gadgets to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
like E-book are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to complete the whole things with high concentrate.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
75
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
85%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are interrupted
by messaging app or any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
advertisement.

Apart from this, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
users to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
paper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
instead
of e-book in this modern world. The advantage of that they will never lose their concentration while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
paper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
Besides
that they do not want to be in the part of the present technological world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the disadvantage in
The verb 'is' is singular. Did you mean: "This is" or "these am", "these are", "these aren"?
these is
to handle the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
copy and to store with them.
Moreover
, they did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this in incongruous places which this is not suitable.
Also
, they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
in the bedtime and
also
they will not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
connect with this world and stay updated.

To conclude
, both the views
are biased
in those which are comfortable and suitable in their life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in the rise of the technology, the young generation is quite biased towards this e-book side
instead
of paper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some universities offer online courses for students. Do you think this is a positive or negative development for students? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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