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Some think the best way to motivate and encourage people to work hard is to pay them based on how much they produce and sell. Do you agree or disagree? Include relevant examples from your own experience. v.2

Some think the best way to motivate and encourage people to work hard is to pay them based on how much they produce and sell. Include relevant examples from your own experience. v. 2
Employees give their best when they are motivated. Some people feel that offering them salaries commensurate with the revenue they generate for the organization is the best way to enhance their productivity. I completely agree with this view. Money motivates most people and it is not surprising. Financial security is crucial for all employees. Therefore, it makes perfect sense for organizations to come up with a pay package that compensates employees adequately for their performance. If employees are offered fixed salaries, they have no real reason to put in their best effort because their contribution has no real impact on their salary. On the other hand, if the company offers higher remunerations to employees who close more deals or generate more revenue, all employees will be motivated to work harder. This, in turn, will enhance the revenues of the organization. For example, my management promised me a promotion and a higher salary on the successful closure of a million dollar deal with one of our esteemed clients. Since I always wanted to see myself as a manager this offer motivated me to work hard and this resulted in the closure of the deal within six months. Several organizations are already experimenting with this practice. In addition to a fixed salary, they offer their employees a commission on every sale they complete. To conclude, the performance of an employee is closely related to their level of motivation. Motivated employees work harder and contribute more to the bottom line of an organization. Since money is what motivates most people, paying employees on the basis of their contribution makes perfect sense.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employees
give their best when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivated
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that offering them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
commensurate with the revenue they generate for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
is the best way to enhance their productivity. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.

Money motivates most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and it is not surprising. Financial security is crucial for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
Therefore
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
perfect sense for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with a pay package that compensates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
adequately
for their performance. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are offered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
, they have no real reason to put in their best effort
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their contribution has no real impact on their salary.

On the other hand
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
offers higher remunerations to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who close more deals or generate more revenue, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivated
to work harder. This, in turn, will enhance the revenues of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
.
For example
, my management promised me a promotion and a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
on the successful closure of a million dollar deal with one of our esteemed clients. Since I always wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
myself as a manager this offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivated
me to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and this resulted in the closure of the deal within six months. Several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
are already experimenting with this practice.
In addition
to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
, they offer their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
a commission on every sale they complete.

To conclude
, the performance of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
is
closely
related to their level of motivation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Motivated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
work harder and contribute more to the bottom line of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
. Since money is what motivates most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
on the basis of their contribution
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
perfect sense.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some think the best way to motivate and encourage people to work hard is to pay them based on how much they produce and sell. Include relevant examples from your own experience. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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