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Some think that it is more important for the children to engage in outdoor activities instead of video games

Some think that it is more important for the children to engage in outdoor activities instead of video games kgrLd
In recent times, the majority of people especially children are interesting in-play video games rather than outdoor activities. However, some people believe that outside activities are more crucial for kids instead of playing video games. I am totally agree with this statement and in this essay, I will give the appropriate reasons in further paragraphs. To begin with, nowadays the trends of playing computerized games are rapidly rising among children. The outdoor activities are extremely important for kids because it brings a lot of benefits. One of the major benefits is that if young people perform outdoor activities such as outdoor sports so it helps to enhance their physical as well as mental strength. To explicate, a child who participates in sports and other outdoor activities so they have a better physical and mental ability rather than those kids who play digital games. Another benefit is that, if children are taking a part in these activities they also build new relationships in society and it also develops their interpersonal skills. Apart from this, although video games are better options for only entertainment purposes, they have harmful effects on child health. If a kid spends a lot of time playing video games it directly generates a harmful impact on the eye side as well as on the human brain. Take the recent report of the world health organization (WHO) as an example, research report of WHO claim that, 65% of eye and brain issues are faced by those children who play video games rather than those who are participating in outdoor activities. To conclude, If children take a part in outdoor activities so they can be developed new skills as well as make new relations in society. Secondly, those children also have faceless health issues as comparison those who are playing video games.
In recent times, the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
especially
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children
are interesting in-play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that outside
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activities
are more crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. I am
totally
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
with this statement and in this essay, I will give the appropriate reasons in
further
paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nowadays the trends of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computerized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
rapidly
rising among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits. One of the major benefits is that if young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as
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outdoor
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to enhance their physical
as well
as mental strength. To explicate, a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
participates in sports and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have a better physical and mental ability
rather
than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
play digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Another benefit is that, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are taking a part in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
they
also
build new relationships in society and it
also
develops their interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Apart from this, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are better options for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
entertainment purposes, they have harmful effects on child health. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
spends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
it
directly
generates a harmful impact on the eye side
as well
as on the human brain. Take the recent report of the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world health organization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
(WHO)
as an example, research report of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WHO
claim that, 65% of eye and brain issues
are faced
by those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
activities.

To conclude
, If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
take a part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
be developed
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new relations in society.
Secondly
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
have faceless health issues as comparison those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
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IELTS essay Some think that it is more important for the children to engage in outdoor activities instead of video games

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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