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Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing videogames. To what extent to you agree or disagree?

Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing videogames. 6xoxG
Now a days, people are belived by some that it is better for youngsters to participate physical exercises than staying at home gaming. I strongly support which is the children's outdoor activities gaining their abilities of both inside and outside of body. On one hand, external games can be increasing juveniles health also which sets a stress less mind of them. In recently, the Hindu news paper showed the games creates laziness in muppets. Eventhough this making unhealthy body. As well as interaction between teenagers will increase and considering their strength. On the other hand, the video activities build new skills, moreover it offers relax of body. In online zone, players usually work together and they set a target and finish within a specific time. This will make aim and their mind and then this making a unity between them. In fact it have some beneficial other than keeping ground the brain will work a lot while they playing. In other words, I supported with my former side especially all juveniles should need a peace of mind and health also. We all know now a days they spend more time with online hobbies which results in so many problems. The haven't any control even playing without sleep. Furthermore, involving with outdoor activities can be make a stable life of them. In conclusion, mainly I suggest that better for children to involving outdoor activities than video games.
Now a days
,
people
are
belived
by
some
that it is better for youngsters to participate physical exercises than staying at home gaming. I
strongly
support which is the children's outdoor
activities
gaining their abilities of both inside and outside of body.

On one hand, external games can be increasing juveniles health
also
which sets a
stress
less mind of them. In recently, the Hindu
news paper
showed
the games creates laziness in
muppets
.
Eventhough
this making unhealthy body.
As well
as interaction between
teenagers
will increase and considering their strength.

On the other hand
, the video
activities
build new
skills
,
moreover
it offers relax of body. In online zone, players
usually
work
together and
they set a target and finish within a specific time. This will
make
aim and their mind and then this making a unity between them. In
fact it
have
some
beneficial other than keeping ground the brain will work a lot while
they playing
.

In other words
, I supported with my former side
especially
all juveniles should need a peace of mind and health
also
. We all know
now a days
they spend more time with online hobbies which results in
so
many
problems. The haven't any control even playing without sleep.
Furthermore
, involving with outdoor
activities
can be
make
a stable life of them.

In conclusion
,
mainly
I suggest that better for children to involving outdoor
activities
than video games.
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IELTS essay Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing videogames.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
236 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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