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Some think schools should reward students who have the best academic results, while others thinks it’s more important to reward student who achieve other type of success (such as sports, music, and good behaviour…). Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some think schools should reward students who have the best academic results, while others thinks it’s more important to reward student who achieve other type of success (such as sports, music, and good behaviour…). Discuss both views and give your own opinion Elp0R
Most school usually reward student who get well performance in their examinations. However, some rackon that instead of giving prizes to academic toppers, schools should appreciate students who show great achievement in other fields by rewarding them. From my point of view, toppers as well as those who show progress in other fields should also be rewarded. Rewards encourage student to work harder and achieve better results. Everyone always loves to get prizes and the toppers are not an exception. When the school appreciates their hard work by the prizes, they will be motivated to work or study even harder. More than that, their achivement will also inspire to other students to study harder and ameliorate their grades. If the schools do not reward, maybe, some of them will lose the motivation and that may lead to descent in their grades. On the other hand, the toppers are not the only student who should be rewarded. Students who show the great progress in other fields should also be appreciated for their efforts. By appreciating their efforts, that may be a good encouragement for them and they will want to improve their performance themselves by working harder. If schools only reward the academic toppers, others may assume that prizes mean nothing to them, and in that case, they may give up their efforts. If, on the other hand, the schools also reward students showing development, more and more student will want to develop their grades. In conclusion, rewards will motivate all student to work harder. Therefore, in my eyes, not only the academic toppers, but also the students showing development also need to be rewarded.
Most
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school
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
well performance in their examinations.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
rackon
that
instead
of giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prizes
to academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toppers
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should appreciate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
great achievement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields by rewarding them. From my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toppers
as well
as those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
progress in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields should
also
be rewarded
.

Rewards encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harder
and achieve better results. Everyone always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prizes
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toppers
are not an exception. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
appreciates their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prizes
, they will
be motivated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or study even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harder
. More than that, their
Possible spelling mistake found.
achivement
will
also
inspire to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harder
and ameliorate their grades. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
, maybe,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them will lose the motivation and that may lead to descent in their grades.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toppers
are not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
should
be rewarded
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the great progress in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields should
also
be appreciated
for their efforts. By appreciating their efforts, that may be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
encouragement for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they will want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their performance themselves by working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harder
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
the academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toppers
, others may assume that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prizes
mean nothing to them, and
in that case
, they may give up their efforts. If, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
showing development, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
will want to develop their grades.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewards
will motivate all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harder
.
Therefore
, in my eyes, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toppers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
showing development
also
need to
be rewarded
.
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IELTS essay Some think schools should reward students who have the best academic results, while others thinks it’s more important to reward student who achieve other type of success (such as sports, music, and good behaviour…). Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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