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Some teachers think that international student exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages? v.7

Some teachers think that international student exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages? v. 7
These days, many teachers support the idea of the international student exchange programme because it is believed that this would enhance the boundaries of a teenager. However, there are others who think of it as disadvantageous. I believe that this has more advantages than disadvantages. To commence with, the most argued disadvantage to this is that this would put an extra burden on the students from the financially weaker sections. For example, if there is an exchange programme between schools from the USA and India, even middle-class parents of the Indian student will find it difficult to arrange a heavy sum their child's expenses in the USA. Secondly, even if a youngster is knowledgeable, there are chances of him/her experiencing culture shock because of the new environment. Also, they can feel sick because of the sudden change in climate, cuisine etc. On the contrary, there are multiple advantages of international student exchange. Firstly, it provides a teenager with the lifetime experience. They are introduced to new cultures and thus, their mind broadens. They become more accepting of the people with different views, which helps them in life. Furthermore, it can help them in their careers. It has been found that students who went for such programme are given a preference by the companies because this means they can adjust to difficult circumstances easily. For instance, many multi-national companies hire managers with the experience of working abroad, so that they can send them to their offices all over the world. To conclude, sending teenagers to some other country for studies does have some disadvantages. But I think that these are outweighed by the advantages of better career opportunities, new cultural experiences etc. Therefore, youngsters should be encouraged to participate.
These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
teachers support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
exchange
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
is believed
that this would enhance the boundaries of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
.
However
, there are others who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of it as disadvantageous. I believe that this has more advantages than disadvantages.

To commence with, the most argued disadvantage to this is that this would put an extra burden on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from the
financially
weaker sections.
For example
, if there is an exchange
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
between schools from the USA and India, even middle-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
parents of the Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
will find it difficult to arrange a heavy sum their child's expenses in the USA.
Secondly
, even if a youngster is knowledgeable, there are chances of him/her experiencing culture shock
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the new environment.
Also
, they can feel sick
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the sudden
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in climate, cuisine etc.

On the contrary
, there are multiple advantages of international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
exchange.
Firstly
, it provides a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
with the lifetime experience. They
are introduced
to new cultures and
thus
, their mind broadens. They become more accepting of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in life.
Furthermore
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their careers. It has
been found
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who went for such
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a preference by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this means they can adjust to difficult circumstances
easily
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
multi-national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
hire managers with the experience of working abroad,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
them to their offices all over the world.

To conclude
, sending
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other country for studies does have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these
are outweighed
by the advantages of better career opportunities, new cultural experiences etc.
Therefore
, youngsters should
be encouraged
to participate.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some teachers think that international student exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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