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Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.33

Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. v. 33
Nowadays, with the dramatic changes of the technologies, kids are spending long period watching television. While some people claim that televisions would not replace the book as the best way for education, others argue it will. I totally agree that books are considered the main source of education for children. This essay will discuss why books are important for education and provide a conclusion with my opinion. To begin with, there are several reasons why books are the main source for education. Firstly, books are available for our use anytime and anywhere without limitations. As it is very light and can be brought with kids all time either in carrying bag or by hands, kids will be able to read and get the knowledge in multiple places during their free time. For example, children carry a book with them and read during the commute time. Secondly, Books are coming in multiple genre that match all kids interests and desires. According to this, children can select the books that fit them and gain a wide information with their preferred language. Furthermore, books are written by experts who know what could attract the children, and have a wide range of experiences in dealing with kids. Hence, the books are more trusted than television programs which could produce to gain wealth. Additionally, watching television for long period could impact kids health. Due to this, kids will start suffering for vision issues due to the harmful effect of the TV box. For instance, these days, kids start wearing medical glass in a very young age. To sum up, televisions have detrimental effects on kids that will impact their health, especially their eyes, but the books are having multiple merits such as the accessibility and the knowledge they contain. I believe parents should start encourage their offspring to read more books, and provide them with all options available in the market to ensure the topic is matching their desires.
Nowadays, with the dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
of the technologies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are spending long period watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
would not replace the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
as the best way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, others argue it will. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are considered
the main source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This essay will discuss why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and provide a conclusion with my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are the main source for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are available for our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
anytime and anywhere without limitations. As it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
light and can
be brought
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
all time either in carrying bag or by hands,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will be able to read and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the knowledge in multiple places during their free time.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
carry a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
with them and read during the commute time.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Books
are coming in multiple genre that match all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
interests and desires. According to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can select the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
that fit them and gain
'information' is a mass noun (i.e., uncountable). Therefore, the preceding 'a' is probably wrong.
a wide information
with their preferred language.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are written
by experts who know what could attract the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and have a wide range of experiences in dealing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are more trusted than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
programs which could produce to gain wealth.
Additionally
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
for long period could impact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
health. Due to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
suffering for vision issues due to the harmful effect of the TV box.
For instance
, these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
wearing medical glass in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
have detrimental effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
that will impact their health,
especially
their eyes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are having multiple merits such as the accessibility and the knowledge they contain. I believe parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
encourage their offspring to read more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, and provide them with all options available in the market to ensure the topic is matching their desires.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. v. 33

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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