Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some systems require students to specialize in a limited range of subjects from the age of fifteen. Other systems require students to study a wide range of subjects until they leave school. What are the benefits of these two education systems and which is better?

I believe it is not an easy task to prepare a perfect plan regarding educational systems. Some schools require a specialisation in quite an early age. In others they don’t limit amount of subjects. IN this essay I am going to begin with positive aspects of both these educational approaches. Then I am going to describe my point of view when deciding if one of them is better. The systems where teenagers study a wide range of subjects until finishing school leave more time for them to choose their carrier. I believe for many it is an advantage. Most of pupils later on have a clearer idea what they want to do. So in many cases that leads to a satisfaction in their future working positions. The schools where the teenagers are directed to speacialisation in quite an early age are blessings mostly for those who tend to opt for some sort of craft. Musicans, painters but also tailors, hairdressers these all can have profit out of system where they can specialise for their future jobs as soon as possible. To tell you the truth I don’t believe one is better than the other. From my perspective it is more about the concrete person and her or his preferences and plans. If a person can live his or her own dream that’s the biggest advanture ever. That’s why I would prefer a mixture of these systems as an ideal equilibrium. So that everyone can choose what suits him or her the best. In conclusion I would say that there is no such thing as an ideal educational system.
I believe it is not an easy task to prepare a perfect plan regarding educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
schools require a
Possible spelling mistake. ‘specialisation’ is British English.
specialisation
in quite an early age. In
The comma is probably missing here: “others, they”.
others they
don’t limit amount of subjects.

IN this essay I am going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of both these educational approaches. Then I am going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
my point of view when deciding if one of them is better.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
study a wide range of subjects until finishing school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
more time for them to choose their carrier.

I believe for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
it is an advantage.
After ‘Most of’, you should use ‘the’ (“Most of the pupils”) or simply say “Most pupils”.
Most of pupils
later on have a clearer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
what they want to do.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases that leads to a satisfaction in their future working positions.

The schools where the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are directed
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
speacialisation
in quite an early age are blessings
mostly
for those who tend to opt for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of craft.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Musicans
, painters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
tailors, hairdressers these all can have profit out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
where they can
Possible spelling mistake. ‘specialise’ is British English.
specialise
for their future jobs as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you the truth I don’t believe one is better than the other. From my perspective it is more about the concrete person and her or his preferences and plans. If a person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
dream that’s the biggest
Possible spelling mistake found.
advanture
ever. That’s why I would prefer a mixture of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
as an ideal equilibrium.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that everyone can choose what suits him or her the best.

In
The comma is probably missing here: “conclusion, I”.
conclusion I
would say that there is no such thing as an ideal educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some systems require students to specialize in a limited range of subjects from the age of fifteen. Other systems require students to study a wide range of subjects until they leave school. What are the benefits of these two education systems and which is better?

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
268 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • Some systems require students to specialize in a limited range of subjects from the age of fifteen. Other systems require students to study a wide range of subjects until they leave school. What are the benefits of these two education systems and which is better?