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Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v.6

Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 6
A common thread among many young people is a concern over the tuition fee. Wealthier people were more likely to pursue four-year universities, while those from poorer families leaned toward other options. 

 Some students are trying to work and study simultaneously for solving the college affordability and they found difficulties to balance both sides. In the past, students could find the money to pay for university by pinching pennies and working a part-time job. For example, people’s willingness to pay was often determined by how much of their savings and weekly earnings could be devoted to paying tuition, while still having enough to cover other expenses. In today’s high-tuition and potentially high-reward system of higher education, that manner of thinking about college affordability simply does not work. For instance, the saving often falls short of the cost of higher education and families are relying on debt to pay for a growing fraction of tuition. This has left consumers struggling to understand what is affordable to them and how to make decisions about the enrolment. Nevertheless, there are promising policy solutions that tackle the cost of college and the debt of students. Consider, for instance, the proposal to refinance outstanding student loan debt at lower interest rates. Another policy solution that has recently gained widespread support is making university free. Free university certainly solves the problem of students lacking the cash on hand to pay for college, but it obfuscates the issue of affordability by shifting the expense to taxpayers without regard for the likely negative implications for both individual and societal return on investment. Overall, the cost of higher education is higher than it has ever been and it is putting a pressure on students for solving that cost and finishing the educational programs. Despite some people can find the answers from part-time jobs and saving, they still need support from the public policies.
A common thread among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
a concern over the tuition fee. Wealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were more likely to pursue four-year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
, while those from poorer families leaned toward other options.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace



This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are trying to work and study
simultaneously
for solving the college
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
affordability and
they found difficulties to balance both sides.

In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could find the money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
by pinching pennies and working a part-time job.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
willingness to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
determined by how much of their savings and weekly earnings could
be devoted
to paying tuition, while
still
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to cover other expenses.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s high-tuition and
potentially
high-reward system of higher education, that manner of thinking about college affordability
simply
does not work.
For instance
, the saving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
falls short of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of higher education and families are relying on debt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for a growing fraction of tuition. This has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
consumers struggling to understand what is affordable to them and how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions about the
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolment' is British English.
enrolment
.

Nevertheless
, there are promising policy solutions that tackle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of college and the debt of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Consider,
for instance
, the proposal to refinance outstanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
loan debt at lower interest rates. Another policy solution that has recently gained widespread support is making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
free. Free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
certainly
solves the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
lacking the cash on hand to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for college,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it obfuscates the issue of affordability by shifting the expense to taxpayers without regard for the likely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
implications for both individual and societal return on investment.

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of higher education is higher than it has ever been and it is putting a pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for solving that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
and finishing the educational programs. Despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can find the answers from part-time jobs and saving, they
still
need support from the public policies.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
315 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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